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I can't take the silence, 

It's killing me inside. 

I don't know what I did to make you block me out. 

But I wish you'd just talk to me instead. 

The old me would bury myself in work and lash out at all who check on me. 

The new me just smiles and says I'm fine, 

Though I'm dying inside. 

I know I'll be okay. 

I'm just collateral damage....

Isn't that what you said? 

Your words ringing in my ears every day. 

Were they meant to make it hurt less? 

When you decided to just ignore me? 

Each day I torture myself a little and wonder if today will be the day you check on me.

I keep checking on you but you don't even bother to read my messages,

I am just feeling numb. 

I'm not mad, but I am hurt, 

I always try to understand. 

Even while I deal with my own insecurities and emotions,

I want to be there for you. 

I realize now maybe that isn't enough, 

Maybe it is too much, 

Or maybe, just maybe,

It just is what it is.  

Maybe, I'll never know. 

I'm pasting on my smile by day, 

And only my pillow knows how much I've cried. 

But I'm working everyday on being a better me. 

Because I know that I can't live in silence. 

I know I don't deserve this! 

I'm constantly growing and learning and trying to be better every day. 

I don't want to cry or beg for what I need over and over again. 

But I know that I am not ready to be your collateral damage.