jan 9th

i know i am in love

the cold air burns my lungs on the way in

i look to the sky

and the sun

i refuse the page

i breathe at nighttime and then

i fall asleep

i dream

i wake

and refuse the dreams


i will look

to the sky


i know

i am in love


come home to me
come home to me
i am too tired to fight
come home to me
i am too tired

i refuse the page
for the air
outside the covers
of my epoxy heart

i am in love
everyday is a new and brilliant blessing
you are an axiom

the cold air cuts
like knives i fall asleep
trying to fall asleep
heavy with whiskey and cigarettes and another day
i look ahead in hope
hope is a dangerous soaring with wax wings
i flew to the sun
and fell to the water
i do not remember
if i predicted melting
would lead to death

come home to me
i put out to the universe forgiveness and love
but the effort leaves me tired and empty
i am making the world work
i am happy
hope is a dangerous soaring with feathers
that could carry me to enlightenment
buddhas are one in a million
you are an axiom and a calling
come home to me

please god
please god
please god
please god
please god
do not hurt me
i am so scared
i prepare my heart
with warnings
but i know no warnings suffice please god
my heart is in the sky
please goddess
release is my incantation
forgiveness is my instinct
i am afraid
i will die
if i fall out of love
i don't want to be afraid
i don't want endings to grenade
inside my ribcage
with ultimatums
i try everyday to breathe
in the sky
and the sun
and release the paper
aching to crawl
into my mouth
and scream
the importance
and impossibility
of every moment
of my state
the sun lit second
of his dark hair
i am in love
his soul rests inside me and i
will never ever

lose it
i try to believe
i am afraid to believe
but i do
his soul
is inside me
i carry him 
i love him
i refuse everything but bliss
he is the axiom
i carry in my heart my will to live
the sun is more golden than i remember
i walk on clouds and forget the legend of the water
i have surrendered


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