The Kind Of Person I am Now

High School

It was much easier to break your heart than I expected.

I didn't understand before how they could to it.

But it was so simple.

I must be very careful with firsts.

People who actually deserve

love, laughter,

pouring from happy mouths that smile for them.

I do not smile.

I frown, and my mouth

can only blow out the smoke that he left in me.

Its not unhappy smoke, but its smoke you'll never see.

I shouldn't have been so nonchalant.

It was a contract I didn't truly want.

And I had to break it, our connections, and your heart.

I cursed you, and inflicted first scars.

I never meant to,

and I wish I could say how perfect you are,

without making you confused.

I know this line is overused,

old, cold, broken many times over, and naive.

But I don't believe in love.

And all I understand is how to feel nothing and leave.

You are meant for so much more than a girl like me.

I didn't mean to lie, and I tried to give you my warning.

Don't be surprised if I'm gone in the morning.

I can steal you the moon, but expect no shining sun.

You don't know the things that I've done.

So if I decide to leave, look under the ground.

I've got dirt to eat, and I can't be tied down.

Look below your feet, not over your head-

I've felt love, and I've felt love end,

and I don't believe in a heaven.

I'm so sorry you thought I cried.

But I didn't, I acted and I lied.

Skills becoming so essential in my life.

I never, ever should have hurt you-

you did not know the world, and unlike him,

you did not deserve to be introduced.

Because you have caught my disease,

and become sad beyond reasoning.

I do not want you to become me,

coveting despair like a lost lover.

I had to let you go.

I had to let you know.

This is the kind of person I am now-

I like to eat dirt, and I can't be tied down.

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