'09 Eternal Nocturnal Journal


...Where do the lies of me fade away too?

...Where is this darkness I've longed for?

...Why do I hide in the midst of the mist?

...Is there a realm I yearn to once return?

Three decades I have carried my weightless corpse

Indian style I sit, praying with my hands and feet

Muttering, crying, gesturing away, feeding the wind

A trumpery till the end, until my mind slowly warps...

Immediately I stand with ears ringing in question

My eyes then wander around my eldritch premises

My unsteady legs somehow manage to silently walk

And my eerie head is focused, barred on a direction...

There I roam through the emptiness unharmed

A continuous debate of some relentless fear

Yet, my eyes at times saturate my face in tears

There I put my head down with weakened arms...

In disbelief, I slowly wonder where this life really begins

And at troubled times, morbidly wonder how it will end...

Forcefully manage to rest standing by a bay and a sunset

Elbows tucked, shivering from the unwelcomed breeze...

I'd love to grasp the waves and splash it across the sun

But it is to late as it is hiding behind the ocean all alone

Sentimentally leaving me in the dark, dejected once again

Giving me those thoughts I really do not want to be sung...

I know I can not die, yet, I can not live like this alone

I fall to my knees with my palms covering my eyes

I pray to an unknown dialect wondering how I learned

I begin to scream till my ears start ringing to let me go...

I do not want this and I never ever wanted this!

How did I become to be the one to be chosen?

Do I deserve this uncontrollable pain everyday?

NO!! This is punishment...for YOUR happiness!!

I hate it when you roll your eyes flicking though your stress

You have impelled your poisoned ink leaving the blame.

I take it all of course; don't have a choice in this game...

I take your suffering, your heartache, and your loneliness...

Now you have me at the end of the world kneeling in thought

Choosing a love like going through pebbles or crystal sand

Searching for an innocent stone to knock you on your head

Gullibly selecting, responding to a pick me and love me thread...

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Where, again, did I go wrong?

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