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Epigram: Tess And Effie Offer Advice
The best way to be rid of a difficult spouse
and bring peace and quite back to your house
is really not murder. That just makes a martyr.
But we found a way more brutal, and smarter,
that that. Just have them declared quite insane
(make use of slick lawyers in competent courts),
and then send them packing---to fancy resorts,
or "homes," or asylums, all down one-way lanes.
They can wait there for means (pill, diet, or salve)
to cure a disease they don't really have.
No visits or letters: just utterly cut
them off. Tell yourself, "My spouse is a nut!"
It wracks you with guilt (the first years are tough)
but you will believe . . . if you say it enough.
Small price to pay, if you gave it a damn:
oblivion's lid shut down with a slam.
Nor take to heart hard words like "leech, tic, and louse."
What you did was get rid of a difficult spouse.
