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Words to be spoken
The words are there to be spoken
Yet they are denied
We cry in our seperate secret places
Misunderstood feelings tangled
and twisted in my overwrought mind
I can still empathize with her feelings, I see them
in the things she does and does not do
My emotions come with good intentions....and
The words are there
To be spoken
To keep our hearts from being broken
However, when the time comes they remain silent
Hidden behind a fragile facade of calm
I think of us, not so long ago....smiling
at each other
Laughing in the lightness of a moment
Full of excitement at the thought of being together
Now there is an uncomfortable silence between us
It hangs in the air above us, bitter and hard edged
Like a hungry knife blade
Waiting to cleave us in two
Now I think of all the things that we have been through
the deaths and the losses the joys and the highs
I think of my words spoken with love and my genuine attempts
to help her through hard times
Seen only as criticism and rebukes, contempt and lies
So many times I left her alone when she needed me
when she could not ask for the gentle words of empathy
However, I am no reader of minds
In my sorrow perhaps, I am to blind to see
the subtle signals that were once so easily read
I see it when I look into the days behind us
How we fail each other....and still the words cannot be spoken
Being pushed away and when I have gone ....
She asks me why I am not speaking and where have I been?
What can I say that would not release a flood of anger and resentment?
I still believe that....
Forgiveness is just a single word away
I know it would save us all but still
It's a lofty height I seek to reach
I fear the fall and the failure
and certainly the end of us
I wait for her
She waits for me
What holds me back must be the same for her
the fear of being turned away
That final rejection
So much is between us and....
so much is keeping us apart
There seems to be a keen bitterness in her heart
an unquenchable anger that morphs into rage as....
I sit quietly and let the storm subside
Building resenments and anger
Both held closely to the chest
The words are there to be spoken
What life brings us in love can be torn asunder
through silence, stubborness and fear
