I wish you were here

 

Good morning.
Merry Christmas.

 

I wish you were here.

 

There couldn’t be more people in my house right now

 

and I couldn’t feel more alone.

 

The guest room

 

where we played hide and seek when we were little

 

is now filled with overcoats

 

and unused umbrellas.

 

The bathroom

 

where I tried to shave your face once

 

is now filled with ugly Christmas hand towels

 

and funny air fresheners.

 

Dozens of voices

 

drift up through the rafters of my house,

 

but the absence of yours rings the loudest.

 

A hundred clammy handshakes,

 

a thousand lipstick-smacked kisses planted on my cheeks

 

can do nothing to ease my solitude.

 

I wish you were here.

 

All I can hear

 

is the horrible renditions of Christmas carols

 

from the little red radio in the kitchen

 

and I wish you were here to laugh and croak along to them
with me

 

like we were in a bad movie.

 

All I can smell

 

is the waxy Yankee candle on the coffee table

 

and I wish we were back at the candle store in the mall last
summer,

 

walking around and smelling all the candles

 

until our noses itched and burned

 

and then doing it some more.

 

I wish you were here

 

to go outside with me,

 

to take me to another world

 

where the cracked, hardened dirt is snow

 

and the dead, twisted tree branches are snowmen’s arms

 

asking us to dance.

 

If there was snow on the ground outside

 

it would be made of

 

my crystallized tears

 

from knowing you’ll never dance with the snowmen again.

 

I miss you,

 

and I hope that wherever you’ve gone,

 

the bathrooms are full of memories

 

instead of hand towels,

 

and the hallways are decorated

 

with my love for you.

 

Rest in peace.

 

Merry Christmas.

 

I wish you were here.

 

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