I'm not as strong as I may seem
Infact, I find myself always falling to my knees
My eyes are constantly soaked and burning
My stomach.. twisiting and turning
My mind is a complete mess
These every day battles make my body exhausted
And often I feel my heart begging to be put to rest 
I don't know why I fight for you, you or you
I'm always trying to get in
Trying to help, trying to understand
I only want to care for you
But the feeling isn't mutual
Just another lie that you swear is true
I feel like I never win the battle

I'm just a lost soul
Or in a boat without a paddle
Every direction I turn is a new face
Yet, underneath the layers they're identical to your race
Sometimes I wish I had the power to be a cold hearted, selfish bitch
Maybe then I'd get respect
And not another stitch
I tend to forgive too easily
In hopes of later on being treated equally
I'm so tired of being used 

All I've ever wanted was to feel loved
NOT to be abused
Everything that I know 
Is so fucking backwards
You could beat me with a pole for no reason
and I would just think "shit happens"
I make up excuses 
I try to justify your actions
give you the benefit of the doubt
Just to give myself the satisfaction
I'm 22 now and my story goes on
I wish I could live without all the memories
of being beaten, molested... treated completely wrong
Sincerely, your loved ones
You all have made me afraid
Afraid to open up
I'm here hanging my head in shame
I feel so alone 
like no one cares or appreciates me
I'm only wanted when you're feeling cruel or horny
Then again, I've felt like this since I was 3
"Maybe it's just me, maybe I'm the problem 
and I'm the one that needs to leave."
I hope when I'm finally gone
You all feel the pain that I did
and be left with the memories of the pain you inflicted
I hope that when you finally get to sleep
You dream about it
and no one's there to hear you

when the nightmares wake you and you scream about it
I hope that you all finally realize 
That I never needed a "lesson of learning"
I'm glad that I will no longer be your beast of a burden. 



Author's Notes/Comments: 

It's a bit scattered I think, just like my head :P 

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