PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

i am nothing. i mean nothing. i'm a face in a sea of faces, nothing unique, nothing special. i break. i can't fix. i shatter. i can't mend. i'm a confused mind, a confused heart. i'm a person thought of as heartless, who is forever aware of her beating, hurting heart just because it won't just stop. i'm nothing special. i am but a face in a sea of faces. i can't make up my mind, and i push away the things and people i love the most. my moods are intense. quickly changing. i'm a girl. a silly, naive girl, who is tired of being deceived. i'm learning. learning that no one is there. never there when i need someone...anyone...the most. i'm seeing, for the first time, the way my world is. i'm the girl who pushed away the only guy who ever liked her that she could like back. i'm the girl who refused him as a friend just a couple hours ago, and is now tearing inside because he won't reply to a text. i bring things on myself. i am mistakes. mistakes of my life. i'm wishing. for someone, anyone, to listen...to hear...what i'm trying to say. i'm losing. losing people. everyone seems different. my previous close friends that were there for me through everything barely talk to me now. the one best friend i can count on is far, far away. i'm alone. alone with my thoughts, my nightmares. the nightmarish searching, night after night. always searching. always taking that same turn, going through the same neighborhood, stopping in front of the same house. never being able to find. never. i'm hurt. by everyone i trusted. trust is nothing, just a word. a meaningless word just like forever, and love. i am naive, much more than i thought possible. how did i believe? why did i trust? my heart is not broken. it's merely cracked. i will be fine. i know i will. i can handle this, because i have to. isn't it funny? all the previous feelings, they seem to have disappeared. i'm nothing. absolutely nothing. a body held together with the forces of nature, with a soul inside that longs for more. so much more. if only...so many if onlys. if only he'd truly loved me. if only i hadn't messed up. if only i could've forgotten the pain. if only he was what i thought he was. if only i was someone else. if only. i'm afraid. i don't want to get hurt. i don't want to trust. give me one reason. one reason to trust anyone. trust that they will always be there. that they won't leave me in distress, sharing all my joy but none of my sorrow. one reason. i'm dramatic. i get my feelings over exaggerated when i write, as i'm probably doing now. but there is some truth in everything i write, everything i feel. i'm tired. tired of trying. tired of false pretenses, and false interest. i'm tired of pretending. tired of trying to be there for everyone and being left with no one when i'm down. i'm thinking. thinking too much. thinking about every mistake, every wrong step. i'm confused. confused about my world. why is no one as good as i'd thought they were? it's unfair. unfair how much i learned in one summer, while i have lived out my life till now in blissful, shameful ignorance and innocence. whats the difference anyway? they're just words, made up of nothing but letters. everything seems different now. i see the motives of people, well-hidden behind the pleasant facade everyone seems to be wearing. especially the most cunning. i wish for his smile. his eyes. the ones that brighten my day. memories. that's all i have now. he is far, far away. but his smile...so different than the smile of the one i thought loved me truly. his smile...the one that makes everything ok. the way his smile widens when i smile at him. our moments. as little as they are. i'm not attracted to him, no. i admire him. the last human i saw in my innocent and ignorant way of thinking, the one i haven't gotten a chance to look at again after this new found, realistic way of looking at the world. he is good. that is what my heart says. in a sea of cunning, he is there. the smile, the eyes. he is good. how wrong i've been, though. all the others. i've been so wrong. it's funny isn't it? i'm detached. i just don't care. not anymore. why should i? when no one else does...