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a dream i once had
in a yellow, pinafore-like dress
i had made my decision
i had had enough
so with people around me
who maybe still cared about me, i'm not sure
i walked to the very edge of the turret
not scared, or worried
and jumped
yellow dress billowing all around me
no one screamed for me
i don't even know if anyone looked up
and it was just what i'd wanted until
i felt a thud, the thud of me landing
on a wooden gazebo far below
feeling myself hit ground, i knew i had failed
i did not do
what i'd come out here to do
as i lay there with my eyes still closed, i kept hoping
that it was all a dream
and that i wouldn't wake up
then the tears came
before my friends did
i kept wondering if any of them were going to come check on me
tears so big and wet that i wanted them to drown me
since the jump hadn't done its job
tears collecting in my closed eyes
then i heard rushing of feet
people bending over to check on me
i debated even opening my eyes because i didn't want to face
everything i'd been trying to escape
i opened my eyes then, and said, "i didn't die,"
and the tears that had collected, spilled onto my cheeks
they all helped me stand up
no broken bones
no scratches
i was just as i had been
they helped me walk back up the path
as they chatted about other things, i continued to cry
crying because i'd lived
crying because my plan didn't work
and crying because no one ever wondered
why i jumped at all?
