a dream i once had

in a yellow, pinafore-like dress

i had made my decision

i had had enough

so with people around me

who maybe still cared about me, i'm not sure

i walked to the very edge of the turret

not scared, or worried

and jumped

yellow dress billowing all around me

no one screamed for me

i don't even know if anyone looked up

and it was just what i'd wanted until

i felt a thud, the thud of me landing

on a wooden gazebo far below

feeling myself hit ground, i knew i had failed

i did not do

what i'd come out here to do

as i lay there with my eyes still closed, i kept hoping

that it was all a dream

and that i wouldn't wake up

then the tears came

before my friends did

i kept wondering if any of them were going to come check on me

tears so big and wet that i wanted them to drown me

since the jump hadn't done its job

tears collecting in my closed eyes

then i heard rushing of feet

people bending over to check on me

i debated even opening my eyes because i didn't want to face

everything i'd been trying to escape

i opened my eyes then, and said, "i didn't die,"

and the tears that had collected, spilled onto my cheeks

they all helped me stand up

no broken bones

no scratches

i was just as i had been

they helped me walk back up the path

as they chatted about other things, i continued to cry

crying because i'd lived

crying because my plan didn't work

and crying because no one ever wondered

why i jumped at all?

Author's Notes/Comments: 

this was an exact dream i had this night. i woke up in the morning crying. it's a very odd feeling to wake up so sad about something that wasn't real...

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