A letter to my friend I couldn't send minus the beginning and the end

 I miss my smile too. Been having a real hard time lately as I feel like I have lost myself. And I keep blaming myself because I can't quit smoking under stress. I'm sure that's a copout. I have this crazy belief that the universe has been punishing me cus I haven't stopped yet. However, as stated, the stress is just too much these days. I don't know how I'm gonna do it without wanting to lash out at everybody around me. I know already how intense it is to quit. And I don't want to take it out on the people I care about. Ugh! I just want to laugh and have some fun but even when given opportunity, like this past weekend, I just can't seem to pull myself out of this funk. Blah. Aren't you glad you wrote? Its annoying to me when I respond like this. But I'm in no mood to bullshit and say I'm fine. Even if I want to bullshit myself into thinking I'm fine. Well maybe if we break it down to Fuckedup insecure neurotic and emotional. Definitely that. I feel immobilized in every way. Completely and utterly unmotivated. Maybe cuz it's hot outside. But this has gone on for more than days. And I don't know how to get out of my own way.

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Stephen's picture

I quit smoking with the colan cancer method.

Twenty days in the hospital with two operations cured my smoking habit.   ----    Stephen

Morningglory's picture

:o

I want to try the non cancerous way out. But I'm afraid I will have to find some real time completely alone. Too much smoking going on around this house. 

 

I do so hope they we're able to stop the cancer in you!  


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Stephen's picture

Doctor said I was cured. 10 years ago.

.

Morningglory's picture

This is good news! Thank you.

This is good news! Thank you. I lost a few friends to cancer these past couple years. All different types. Still a few battling through. 


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