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do you ever
do you ever find you have to count in threes?
that you cant look over the banister or youll feel the compulsion to jump
and you dont want to die
so you cant speak of death
do you ever spend more time catergorising life into pigeonholes instead of living it?
you are not enough
so you surrond yourself
with everything
that might help define yourself
but you know they mean not much at all
but keeping up the facade
hoping one day to be whole.
no amount of icing sugar frosting
no amount of candy colour smeared on your lips
no amount of you is going to quench this thirst
its just too too much. its just not not enough.
you know everything withers and dies
but still this fruitless catergorisation
like you might last longer than all gone before you
the world is so much more than just me
why cant i let go?
why am i an open book?
why do i feel the need for others to see me
in order to justify what i feel
and because of this i know he doesnt want to know me
the more we open up the more people walk away
some people are content with just living
i dont know how
could never imagine a world in which
that would be so for me
makes me anxious just to think
he doesnt see my words are precious jem drops anymore
he doesnt see everything i do as a moment worth anything
and i know its just me
wanting everything to be
wanting him to be
everything to me
i know i just want something more
i want to know my heart lives in another
its sick sick sick
how i want this constant reflection of myself
and how im scared of death
so i wont jump
i wont look
because i cant look
or ill jump
i need to count in threes to bring order to this world
three bites
or it will be chaos
and in sets of 3 3s or it will be chaos
i am chaos burning and dying
trying to be enough
feel enough
when im fading
when we are fading
constant redefining
