I sit and wonder how and when did i get here, why do i drink so much liquor, why do i consume so much beer, is this addiction do i even care. My life is full of so much chaos, so much fear, who can i tell will they even care. I dont wanna be here anymore. What else does this chaotic life have in store, should i end it all or ride out the storm knowing i'll never be of perfect form, they keep telling me im not a waste of time, something inside of me it shines, if they can see it why cant i. Why cant i change, why cant i break this cycle, do i wanna change, do i wanna break this cycle or do i relish and bask in the thought of being nothing. Do i love the fact that im a bum, greed, lust, adultery, drinking, violence, to these things why do i let myself succumb. Can i be saved, am i worth saving at all, my brain it drives me so crazy, it wont stop, it wont leave me alone i never feel like i even belong, will i ever find my place in this crazy world, the thought of the way im living makes my skin crawl it makes me wanna hurl.


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