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I either push people away

Or I scare them away.



Either way,

I am left here alone,

Wondering why I am

The way I am.



I say I want to be independent,

But I rely on others

For everything

So am I just lying to myself?



I need people;

I need them like I need air.

I suffocate alone.

But when they get too close,

I can’t help feeling

Strangled just the same.



Why am I

A contradiction of terms?

Why don’t I know what I want?



22 years later,

And I still don’t know

Why I am the way I am.