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Dear Ian,
I can't believe that you're no longer here.
It's been almost a week,

since you were found dead...

Don't know what happened to you.

I certainly do wish I knew. I know I'm not the only one.

You were truly loved by so many.

Your funeral showed that. It was a full house. 

You had an impact on so many people.

I read a poem just a second ago, that I had wrote. 

It was written 3 years ago.

But that poem reminded me of how you had caused 

the best parts of me to sprout again. 

How you made me come back alive again.

Though after we went our seperate ways, I lost that part of me again.

I guess that part of me got buried inside.

Possibly maybe it was you trying to remind me that I'm still in there.

Maybe that's why I read that poem.

I know you loved me. I know you loved my kids.

I know things didn't work out between us.

I gave up on you and I pushed away, when you tried to come back.
I felt like I was doing the right thing for me and my kids...
But sometimes I wish I hadn't of gave up and kept trying.

I always hoped you'd come back to me clean and sober.

I wish I would of known how to help you.

I have so many things I wish I hadn'f of said,

but I also have so much more things that I wish I had of said.

Now it's too late.

I want you to know, I do believe you were my soulmate.

I know you are. I believe one day, we would of found each other again.
We would of found each other again and it would of been the right time!

Even though, now, we'll never find each other again, 
cuz you're in another place now. A better place.

You no longer have to suffer from your fight of addiction no more.
You're at peace now. I got to believe that.

I know you're watching over your family and all the people...

That you loved and cared about! I do believe that!

But I also want you to know...

You are forever in my heart! My heart is always yours!
It never stopped being yours, despite the times I pushed you away.

My heart was yours, despite how many times I tried to act like I had moved on.

I never moved on from you.

One day soon, I hope to see you again and be right by your side!

Iloveyou!

ILoveYou till the day I die!

This I promise you!

~Written with love from: Stephy Philbeck
~~Written for: Ian Jameson Mascoe

Rest in peace, my love! I will see you again some day!

January 25, 1996 - May 22, 2023