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Justin Kimberlin, a Proud Insurance Salesman (Short Story)
Justin Kimberlin, a Proud Insurance Salesman
One night while asleep, a spider crept into Justin Kimberlin's bathtub and bit his thumbs. Upon awakening that morning, his thumbs had turned a dead color.
Justin Kimberlin, a proud insurance salesman, having wasted every sick day appeasing an exhibitionist fetish at his favorite goat farm, felt obliged to continue his workday routine regardless of a measly light bulb-sized swelling and pussing. So he gauze-wrapped his thumbs, fixed himself salesman-like, and left for the bus.
But a third of the way there, two bearded men in hunter-wear crept behind a lamp post and gazed steadfastly as if Justin Kimberlin were a wounded fawn in Coyote Town. "We see yer wounded," declared one of the men, pulling a bow string, and aiming an arrow.
"Ther's no use in trottin' away," added his snorting partner, as the arrow lodged itself into Justin Kimberlin's concept of time, throwing him three days behind schedule.
Finally, upon reaching his destination, a peeved Zim Hammerhead gestured him into his office, where he had bitten off half his desk out of rage. "I demand an explanation!" barked the boss, with his crooked toupée and flapping fins.
But Justin Kimberlin only exclaimed, "Watch out! Your overcoat's on fire!" as his thumbs dangled from his hands like two lynched Negroes. Zim Hammerhead was skeptical of this fire warning, until even the dead Negroes decided to evacuate along with the other occupants. Accepting the situation, Zim Hammerhead climbed a blazing attic and attempted to save a baby and a dog, but was overtaken by fumes.
A day after, a pay raise-hungry Justin Kimberlin visited Zim Hammerhead at the local burn unit. "You were right," rasped the boss, "there was a fire." But Justin Kimberlin, for once, opted for honesty with his next reply.
"No Boss," Justin Kimberlin firmly declared, "the flames were just pieces of red and yellow construction paper cut out during the time period of three days and pasted sporadically throughout the building while you were busy chomping desks. Trust me on this one, using a pair of scissors without working thumbs is a feat in and of itself."
