My Struggle

I have done and said many

things I am ashamed of

 

I struggle everyday with coping

with being alone

 

Rather than go on medication and seek

out therapy like others

 

These past 2 years I began to use alcohol

to cope with some events which devistated me

 

It started with beer in college and eventually

evolved into liquor

 

I don't drink everyday and go many days and weeks

without drinking

 

But when I do drink it is in absolute excess

 

I work in a job that makes it hard to have a normal life

 

Sometimes I work upwards to 18 hours a day

and work in dangerous conditions around dangerous ppl

 

Having to constantly be at work takes it toll on my mind

and so I use alcohol  to help he decompress on my rare days off

 

I don't hate my job,

but hate how it effects my well being and health

 

I hate how it robs me of having a good social life

and having good work/life balance

 

I have had much desire to date,

however I simply don't have much motivation to start from scratch

 

I have a lot of self esteem issues

and so approaching women is very hard for me

 

Everyday is monotonous;

 

It is hard to break out and do 

stuff I enjoy

 

These days because I am tired of my life

 

I would rather just be at work all the time

then face my internal demons

 

Having that distraction keeps the floogates from

opening

 

But when i'm off all my trauma and pain

is easy to feel

 

The lonliness creeps up on me and

is suffocating

 

Having a drink helps me to feel less

alone and more connected

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Please refrain from judging me.

These are my own personal thoughts which I have made open.

 

eleven_eleven's picture

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