cutting away

i used to
cut, smoke, wretch, scream
cut, glare, cry, fake it
cut, bleed, flip& loose myself
cut away at myself,
in hopes it would dampen the pain from
the outside world..
but it wouldn't.
i used to cut, because i craved
attention..and cutting gave me it.
but it left scars of my past,
and the monster i used to be.
i let the world eat away at me,
i let the world win.
and i lost.
when i loose, things aren't good.
when i win, things are alright.
when i do nothing, i don't know
i sometimes still cut,
because i need a new lie to tell,
or because i want you to worry for me,
so i know i'm still loved.
i lied. i still cut. i cut ,
smoke
wretch
bleed
glare
fake it
cry and
loose it
but i keep going,
and tell myself i'm awesome-
even though i should stop
lying to myself.
and slicing.

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