You left without a word of farewell,

Leaving me to cope with everything:

Pain, suffering, loss and memories,

All for what? To wrap up nothing?

Do you want me to travel far in time?

Tell me, if you can, from wherever you are:

Tell me, why you left me quietly,

Suddenly, without a reason or a rhyme?

Do you want me to travel far in time,

To find out about your quiet departure?

What more do you want to impose,

On me, already wrecked by disaster?

What did I not do to make you carefree,

To see smiles lighting up your being,

My bygone childhood and my days of youth,

What has remained - to see you happy?

You wanted everything your own way,

To a great extent you had your own say,

Mother, myself, my brother and sisters,

Of all, who helped you most night and day?

Even on the day before, you held your own,

Wanting me to be a sufferer,

When that too happened you increased the pain,

And left, sans farewell, to a realm unknown.

The grass decays and the rain effaces,

The grave is the last scene in this life's play,

But your spirit continues to pervade somewhere,

And after it my eternal question races.

Do you want me too, to don forgetfulness,

And embark on a quest, after your soul,

Or in a half-awake seance of a sleepy spell?

If not, tell me, where do you now dwell?

Grief, for me, has become a drudgery,

I want a break, even if for a while only,

What has life become if not misery,

With brief respites of a short-lived smile?

The darkness reminds me of Gray's Elegy*,

The country looks like one vast graveyard,

Destination where? To Heaven or to Hell?

Or to hang in limbo till the doomsday knell?

Questions I have but no answers,

This has been so in the span of years,

Silence mocks me, even my whisper,

Does not find a shelter for tears.

The talk of wisdom seems so fruitless,

I have to wait and abide as before,

To be here was never my choice,

And yet I must for a few days more...

When the wind stops howling like a banshee,

When the hyenas stop their wailing,

When the bearded impostor stops moaning,

This heart of mine will seek mercy...

The forgiveness for your body and soul,

To save you will I my Beloved implore,

From whatever agony and pain threatens,

And give you blest joys forever and more!  

Author's Notes/Comments: 

*Gray's Elegy: Elegy written in a country churchyard by Thomas of the best poems in English literature.

My learned, able and philosophical father passed away in his sleep on the 3rd-4th of December, 2007, in Rawalpindi.
This poem is a depiction of my first feelings...

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