In the hours just before dawn,

When the heart's grief is at storm,

The stabs in the soul try to drown,

My blood-drenched heart is all alone.


I look at the myriad of stars overhead,

The waning moon, the clouds that spread,

And this makes me all the more sad,

Spears my soul and makes it all red.


I look upwards and say a quiet prayer,

To the One King, who is always there,

And in my silent tears I unveil my griefs,

About my situation and crave His care.


Many a taverns have I visited often,

To undurden sorrows with wine-drained  reason,

But no tavern have I, to this day discovered,

Where heartaches have no lasting, healing potion.


My dreary days and my quiet afternoons,

Are passing along drenched in my glooms,

Friends are all scattered, far and away,

And relatives here are fragile in bloom.


There's a woman poetess beyond the seas,

Who says she loves me and also grieves,

For all that I have suffered as losses in love,

The deceptions, the injustice and treacheries:


She gives me hope and strengthens my faith,

But I often wonder whether she will wait,

Like all those faithful maidens of the Knights,

Who kept their modesty, their virtue-filled gait.


I wash myself cleanly and turn to my God,

And bow and kneel and implore Him a lot,

To not let me rot, save me with His strength,

After all, He IS the true One I 've got.


My tears roll down my cheeks like water,

That flows breaking down every barrier,

My head in prostration entreats my God,

And I sigh and weep quietly in the dark.


My destiny has taken a sudden, swift turn,

From which I feel that I just cannot run,

Had it not been the flame of hope in me,

The divine blaze lit by my God within me.


I would have ended up scattered and torn,

With my bleeding heart gushing out to mourn,

And my soul,which has been always deceived,

And all my inner self ripped by Fate's thorn.


With so many blessings showered on me,

By my Creator, the Lord of mercy,

I stand perplexed at my present situation,

And I bow down before Him, with my just plea:


I beseech my Almighty to forgive my flaws,

And with His divine love, save me from claws,

The claws of selfish buzzards, in human form,

I pray: O my Greatest, look upon my loss.


I recite the Qur'an, with Him as my hope,

It fills me with peace, does not let me grope,

In this cruel world of selfish men and women,

Where only divine help can unmask guile dope,


There are three more friends who are blessings,

Of my Lord Most Merciful, who are rare beings,

Shazi, Mobarik, Adnan and the soul so sweetest,

Who else but my mother, so loving, fond and caring.


And then my two sons, brave and courageous,

They  have their own plans but are never devious,

They come and give their full time to me,

And try to unveil the present good and worse.


But for my darling little daughter and my old mother,

My mornings and noons, they still need a shelter,

I try to forget worries in medical prescriptions,

But temporary relief does not make me better.


So when midnight blackens with all its blackness,

My heart which is human, seeks joy and solace,

I go not to night clubs or casinoes or call girls,

My Guiding God keeps me safe from such places.


So I recoil in a chair or recline on my bed,

And silently plead to my Lord God instead,

To guide me more and help me even more,

To make my heart strong along with my head.


I am sure my Lord God will shower His rain,

Of mercy, kindness and save me from pain,

The pains of the past and the several heartaches,

I am fully hopefull He will give fame to my name.


The Spring of 2015 has arrived at last,

The snow of Winter has melted quite fast,

Maybe this season will bring good for me,

Peace, joy and my own "Paradise Lost".


Author's Notes/Comments: 

For the past several days I have been endeavouring to give vent to my feelings  revolving around the exact and factual events of my past and my faith in my Lord God Almighty and His blessings conferred on me in the form of a loving and understanding woman who lives beyond the seas but whose love for me is unflinching to this day (May the Almighty God bless her); my three gentlemen and understanding and caring friends whose names I have mentioned above and above all my angelic mother who is my Lord God's best blessing on me. There is no fictional stanza or verse in this poem and in fact, dear readers one and all, it is a poetically condensed story of my life. As several poets and poetesses here have mentioned and praised me for my worldly achievments and accomplishments and I am thankful to them but the poem here is truth and nothing but the truth. In my seach for the perfect love I have suffered all along....right to this day. YEAH!

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