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it hurts not being able to share with you your special day,

i continue to live with the thought of you and him everyday,

over and over as i try to stop it, it just continues,

burning a hole right through me,

i'm trying to move on,

yet everytime i hear a certain song,certain thoughts come back,

taking me back to that day, to that hurtful day,

to the day when my life was taken away,

empty words they might be to you as you read them,

yet writing is my only way of letting these emotions out,

cause when i speak them,inside my heart just wants to shout,

shout out the pain i continue to fight,

the blindness i have not being able to see you out,

the silence of my screams as i shout,

that fact of me just being ignored by you hurts so fuckin' much,

yet i try to ignore the feelings i continue to have for you,

i'm like a whore strung out on you,

looking for my fix,

something to heal this itch that continues to plauge me,

yet there's nothing that satisifys me,

nothing to cure me,nothing to take away this pain,

nothing to replace this fucking hole in my soul,

nothing to make me let go of this hold that you have on me,

nothing to uncover my eyes so i can see that there is no longer you and

me,

yet my eyes are open to see you and him,

it just fucking mocks me with a, i have what you want grin,

slapping me down to the ground over and over again,

just giving me enough time to wipe the blood off my chin,

saying get up,move on,

move on where,

to a seemingly unhappy life,

to a world where i won't be able to love another with all my heart,

cause you continue to hold my heart in the palm of you hand,

to the point  where you know if you want  you could bring all to an end,

or make me go down this downward spiral again,

the sad thing is you have my heart on a shelf,

just sitting there,wasting away,

cause his heart is yours now,

and the hardest thing i did was give you yours back,

my hearts no good it should just be thrown away,

i write this not to make you feel bad, i write this cause this is me,

these are my feelings,this is how i feel,

you did something to me that was so real,

you made me love and you made me feel loved,

but it was all taken back,

my smile removed,my spirit taken away from me,

i feel lonely,like i have nobody,

i can't hardly get up,i can't even hold my head up,

i feel like if i see you and you see me that you might once again see what

we once had,

yet it's just a fantisy, a dream world where i'm yours and more

importantly your mine,

you are just so special to me because i see everything in you that i want

my dream girl to be,

the only thing is that you were once my reality,

and knowing this is what just fucks with me,

i can't let go,even though i try,

cause when i do,slowly inside i die,i silently cry,shedding invisible

tears,

trying to hide away all my fears,

knowing that i'm just making you pull away,

knowing that there is nothing i could say to make you change the way you

feel about me,

i just don't know what to do,

i don't even have communication with you,

how could we just fall apart so fast,how come the love you said you had

for me couldn't last,

was this a ride that just came to an end,

was this a lie that just got too big to hide in the end,

dammit without you it's just so hard,

not work,parties,church,even best friends can fill the hole you left when

you took your love away,

these words might be empty to you,you might not even fill anything as my

soul cries out to you,

but these words are my soul crying out to you,telling you how i feel,

telling you how i just fucking can't deal with the cards this fucked up

life has dealt me,

getting away from it all,starting over new might be good,

but how can i move on when my soul and spirit is gone,

how can i move on when i don't know what to do,

cause even though i try to deny,i'm still lost without you,

chubby bunny that's you,but i'm nothing cause i'm lost without you,

so once again i say i hope this doesn't ruin your special day,

cause it hurts me to say i lost without you,

i'm lost without my precious princess,

i've just lost my way.............

                                              Earl