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Terminal
There is the buzz of excitement
and the bored business man with the five o'clock shadow
People followed by suitcases
suitcases followed by people
the metal bird fills
the doors shut
I want out now
Taxi!!!
The plane rolls away slowly
smooth move to the runway
while we are told how to fasten our seatbelts
breathe from a mask
and float on our seat
in case we plummet
to our likely death
Enjoy your flight!
I remember a recurring dream
where I stood at the top of the stairs
my father behind me
the hallway below
I jumped
arms open wide
my stomach curled up in my throat
the ground forces the air
from my lungs
I gasp...
and catch a trembling breath in my bed
unfocused for minutes
still feeling the draw of the fall
tummy tornadoe
waiting for my mind
to catch up with my small body
familiar terror that rewinds and plays
a few nights
a week.
I study the faces of the flight attendants
for any sign of fear amidst the fake and the friendly
My husband and children are trapped with me
in a metal monstrosity
The most beautiful gifts on earth
smiling and pointing at the clouds below
over coffee, peanuts and rosary beads
God our Father
Please don't let us go down
I am not afraid of the falling
that I have done
enough in my dream
but my terror whispers
of gasping for air
waking up
still feeling the draw of the fall
then
the familiar sound of snoring
it was all a dream
for I never got to leave him
at all.
