In the years before I was born

My mother longed for a child

A miscairrage delayed her all the while

So she wore a crown of thornes

Do you remember 1987?

A blizzard the night of the 30'th?

It raged through Dallas down from heaven

December embers grew no longer orange

White lace formed over the boat

This was really all she wrote

And time passed on a few more clicks

For Pete, Ned, Justin, Cindy, and Rick

I remember my blanket, sewn by the maid

I held it tightly, yet it frayed

I told my mother that I would pray

For God to make it whole

My faith then was perfect

Untainted by years of vanity

I had visions, I had dreams

Of what it was like in heaven

An orb of light forming opposing cones

In an underwater room

Spirits of light floating around God

This was my childhood prophecy

And the King would bring home material love

In the years to come, it's all I knew

When it was time to push, push came to shove

While the Queen gently withdrew

Yet how do you explain to a three year old

That the Maiden's mother grew too old

And slipped from life into the fold

Of Christ, and the holy ghost

When it came time to go to school

I didn't like to follow rules

I'd cry my eyes out as the Queen walked on by

When I was young, I was oh so shy

This line only I will understand

How I learned up from the sand

Volatile and abrasive

Cruel, but yet evasive

I remember my first friend

We played for hours, hours on end

A happy childhood did begin

Thus far, free of sin

I remember being afraid of the maiden's Beau

Untill I grew a little old

But the maid and pauper shared their love

It came from the lord above

First grade came and I would weep

As they all laughed at me

I was a little different

Or so that was their inference

The neglected sons and daughters came

Into my home, and into my heart

The foster children the Queen had to take

When the King divorced her

They were all abused, and sang the blues

But I was faithful, shining through

After all, what does a seven year old know

About drugs, and mothers who leave their own

I still can't seem to understand

How I knew the lay of the land

At an early age, the cascades raged

Yet what was I to do?

And I remember my foster sister and I

Played around from time to time

We were just kids, what the fuck went down?

I wore a filthy crown

Shimmering rubies in the night

Take the tunnel left, or take it right

The time machine, and the time girl

Then we moved

We lived poor as the lowest form of dirt

A switch from rich, to lifes a bitch

Ah, that the was the year I discoverd the form

Of a naked woman in the dorm

So lust was born into my soul

When I was too young to even know

What matters most in life

The tears stream down my eyes

While the maiden and the pauper

helped us through the dark times

It was just me and the Queen

And a check for child support

On the playground, I was Indiana Jones

My comrade was a pilot coming home

DAMN we were poor, look at our clothes

And the teacher said that I was gifted

What does gifted mean to a third grader in pain?

Who would one day grow up to shoot cocaine

I would only like to dance

OH, but we, never got the chance

We moved back into our mansion of a home

With the King and Queen and yours truly

How odd it was to live with them

They'd broken all their vows

I was growing up fast, I'd learned to shoot

A tin can from quite far away

With a BB gun being my uproots

Soon I'd be killing birds in hay

On the old country road

I never killed a cat or dog

But birds, and mice, snakes and a few frogs

Anything that caught my fancy free

The blood flowed forth from me

And soon I was in Boy scouts

Playing with fire, cooking trout

Vandalizing the shit out of people's stuff

Throwing rocks at windows, tipping porta-potties

I remember long ago, I shot a bird

But it didn't die

Instead of just shooting it twice

I hung it, and watched the life go out of it

FUcked up kid you say so far

That ain't NOTHING, wait for the dope

THe day that I lost hope

Ding dong ditching random houses

My friend was arrested for being a "peeping tom"

I would have been there with him, shaking pom-poms

I was probably busy jacking off

And all the people who met me face to face

Said I was polite, sensitive, and full of grace

They never knew the real me

It brings me to my knees

I held faith in Jesus Christ

He was my savior, once or twice

I went to church and honestly tried

Even that didn't last

I remember Abigail Fancher

Hmm... name ryhmes with JOLLY RANCHER

We dated, we broke up, want to know why?

She was a Jehova's witness, what was I?!

I remember discovering rock and roll

Creed, and the Beatles, Quiet Riot

Soon led to Maiden, Priest, and Pantera

I wore all black and grew my hair

Then one day I had the blues

Didn't know why, school was out, GOOD NEWS!

So I logged on to some damn chat room

And there she was

My first true love named Allie Dawn

The bishop quitely took the pawn

My starling, my everything, she had me whipped

And we never even met

We loved for quite some time untill

She started acting, mentally ill

I really couldn't take it, it was no thrill

I started popping pills

It was around this time the pauper died

I became a master thief

Stealing money, causing grief

Anything for a pack of smokes

Robbing Wal-Mart of their Cd's

That was all it took for me

I smoked my first joint of weed

Had a few more bowls, and ATE the rest of the sack

My first time, I used a whole dimebag

Vicodin, Vodka, not vitamins

Marijuana, cigarettes, sin sin sin!

What was up the road for for a time

Was sneaking some of the Queen's wine

Started cutting, pretty shallow at first

To try it out, to fill my thirst

What started now was a tidal wave

On my way to a suicidal rave

My first trip to the loony bin

I was more sarcastic then

A caustic, narcissistic pin

A pandamoneum

I was released and done with the girl

She still, from time to time, gets me

I went to Alcoholics Anonymous

Tried to stay clean autonomous

From the time I was in first grade on

I took SO much shit from tiny pawns

But that all stop the moment I had a drink

Or the day I first met my shrink

Let me regale you of a fairy tale

That ended rather messily

Another fair lassie entered my life

I thought to myself... this must be my wife

She was "a girl who sang the blues"

And "I asked her for some happy news"

She smiled and said I love you...

We shared some good, we shared some bad

I wouldn't take any of it back

However it just wasn't meant to be

Someday, I'd have her back

I entered the deepest emotional turmoil

I wanted to die, get high, and toil

I'd slit my arms, and burn my thighs

I'd smoke pot to forget a while

A dear friend of mine really understood

He'd listen to me every time

I swear I'd never cried so much in my life

I'd paint pictures of myself dead

That dear friend of mine became my best

I didn't tell you of all the rest!

Of Josh, and Jonathan, and Aric true

But I lost them, because of dope, I was through

It took me a year, but I got over it

By learning to hate, and learning to debate

From THAT point on my life became

The medicine game

Mindi wasn't around long

Could't expect her to, after CHEATING on her

MAN, what the fuck had I become?

A dope fiend on the run

I remember the first time I did cocaine

I felt the "shock" up in my brain

I remember the first time I took meth

Afterwards, it really fucks with your head

Moved to plain old Plano

My years in choir drawing to an end

Did I forget to tell you my friend

I am a damned good musician

This is when the shit REALLY hit the fan

It all started when I met a man

Zack, his friends Alex, Andreas, and Josh

I was lost, I was lost

Some Pentacostal girl fell in "love" with me

She asked me why we couldn't just be

I told her it's hard loving a dope fiend

I told the truth for the first time in a while

DXM was such a trip

Shadow people, and giant trolls on my back lawn

Smoke another joint and then I'm gone

Give me another hit

Adderal, Percocet, Promethazine

Morphine, Xanax, Codeine

Those little blue pills I had in school

That would make you so numb you would drool

Slamming cocaine was like falling in love

Get drunk just wasn't enough

I needed vallium, pot, and stuff

'Till I couldn't say "summthin sumthin"

I fell down the downward spiral

Needles, pills, cigs, and vials

I needed help soon, I was killing myself

Bronchitus three times in two MONTHS?

Eventaully, I found N.A.

But sadly, I didn't stay

They never turned me away

If you've read this far I applaud you

The downward spiral, I was in a spell

Bewitched by drugs and lust

My sin was by now, over my head

Satan had my in his dread

"No angel born in hell, could BREAK THAT SATAN'S SPELL!

And as the flames climbed high into the night

To light the sacrificial rite

I saw Satan laughing with delight

The day the music died"

"I went down to the sacred store"

To buy another quarter pound

I heard something never heard before

The voice of God in me

I took some mushrooms that night

I sold an ounce, then I prayed a little prayer

"God, come to me tongight, and show me how to stay clean..."

He did that and a whole lot more

The next day I got rid of my bud

I broke my pipes, threw out rolling papers

Got rid of a scale, razors, and in return

I was given my soul again

I made some meeting and got a sponsor

This was what I needed

Started going to church again, my friend

A seed was planted, weeds were weeded

I met another girl, and she broke my heart

The very same day that my grandmother died

My dad lost his job, but God was there

Holding my hand my every move

Some time passed and I got recovery

A few sponsees, a little responsibility

And the holy spirit began to convict me

Of the sins since 1987

Night and day I began to pray

I read my Bible every day

I tried to help others going astray

And for my beliefs, I was criticized

But Jesus said count it as joy

When others curse me in his name

Believe me, I ain't looking for fame

Just that lost little boy

The fairy tell angel came back into my life

Again, I thought this must be my wife

Personalities clashed, and chaos and strife

For reasons I'll leave between her and I

Yesterday a sponsee relapsed

He did nine grams of coke, he's fortunate to be alive

I'm here for him if he should so decide

To take the narrow road

There were a few stories I left out

If you'd know me you'd know why

This is the longest poem I'll ever write

It's the story of my life

So now my job is just to stay clean

To help others do the same

To rid myself of anger, judgementality, and lust

Of malice, of hatred, of pride

For every sin, grace abounds

And the lord has been kind to me

You have not left me, as oft as I left thee

Now I will sing a resonating sound

Do you remember 1987?

The year snow fell from heaven?

The day I was born, 'till this very day

Written upon this page

(Parentesis "" taken from "American Pie", Copyright Don McClean)

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