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Questioning The Lost Lover
Folder:
The Summer of Summers Avoidance tactic number one..
I wish I knew what it was.. or really
Why you felt you needed to avoid me or
Make me feel like you’re gone, cos
Today, before lunch, I stood with you..
And I said, “I already miss you..”
And you said, “I’m standing right here..”
But really?
Honestly?
Truly?
It’s like you’re already leaving.
(Well I’m not left, and you’re not leaving.)
Who do I think that I’m kidding when
I expect you to remember me
Like I honor you as the one person I think I’ve actually
Said, “I love you” to, and meant it because
I say that all the time..
And I haven’t meant it since sixth grade.
Really.
But you don’t know that.. And no one else does.
I guess I have this tendency to lie to myself,
I guess I want to save myself the torture from relationships
When someone else says it first.. and I freak out.
But like.. I couldn’t protect myself well enough now because you’re already gone, right??
And I have this deep, dark fear… that you won’t really
Miss me or that you don’t really mean it when you say you
Love me
And that I’m just something to pass the time..
Kind of like Billy is…
And yeah.
He said I love you today..
And I told him I’d try not to let it affect us but really?
Honestly?
Truly?
It’s going to, actually.
Because we all aren’t really that
Easy
Lucky or
Free.
With your eyes shining, trying to make me believe that
This last day won’t be THE LAST DAY
But I know
That maybe.. you lie to yourself to..
And maybe you will miss me, more than I know..
And maybe you do realize that this is the last day..
Because honestly, who wants to help a
“Lesbian”
or a “Dyke”
And I secretly wonder:
Do bisexual marriages to the same sex ever work out?
Cos really..
I could spend the rest of my life with you…
And never cry myself to sleep at night again..
Except for the tears of joy that come so easy, and so free..
When you’d say yes.
But you wouldn’t would you?
Cos..really, honestly, truly…
When you’re gone, you’ll forget me, won’t you?
