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Listening to Nothing
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Other- Non-Dark Morning sunshine and a beautiful day
Brisk wintery air approaches
Smiles cover sadness as I sit in this place
A thousand feelings coarsing about
Push them behind the mask of ignorance
Wilting willows and wind swept thoughts
Wisk away all these unsettled emotions
Sweet faces in my memory
Missing little hands and candy kisses
Please don't hate me and understand
Loosing everything
Maybe to have nothing again
Is this happiness? Is it worth it?
Regrets oh so many lay upon my mind
Crushing, decisions not yet made
Tears, yet determination to be here
Why not choose something else
His second choice, is that me?
Why can't I feel the love?
Why can't I believe?
I struggle and fought
I succeeded, yet I failed
Regressing perhaps? Not knowing
Lessons never learned
Fear of rejection, fear of loneliness
Wanting to be here, yet do I belong?
Is it just for now?
Answering my own questions
Yet not wanting to know
Lying to myself perhaps
Is it worth it for what I've lost?
I want to be in bliss
I want to have my life
I want to keep what I had
Yet let go of what I left
Can I have one and not the other?
Sweet lamentations...
Confused and twisted minds
Happy yet sad
Satisfied yet missing something
A feeling of belonging
Belonging to something
The world perhaps, to him
His words sounding true
His actions to show proof
But maybe just for now
Nagging insecurities
Feelings of nothingness
Lost and abandoned
Nothing.....
Yet something to what I left
Words of I love you
Missing the whispers and the touch
My flesh left behind to have what I must
World is cold, so big and hard
Life is hard, perhaps it's easier to leave
Go away from all the choices and feelings
Go away from the pain and insecurity
Go away from it all
No more worries and struggles
No pain and tears
No happiness, no love
Just leave it all
Why do I feel so alone and unloved?
It hurts so much. Why?
I feel the tears building up
I feel the heartache, the loss
I feel like I'm non-existent
I feel less than me
I don't count, I hate myself
I hate life, I hate these feelings
Some one help me and make me okay
Stop the tears, love me and keep me safe
Give me my wishes and dreams
Please...just hear my words
Take my heart, my sould and all that is me
Take them and keep me safe
Yet no one hears, no one replies
And all that I miss grows fainter each and everyday
As I loose what is me and what I used to be.
Soon I'll be less than nothing
Forgotten, used, not loved
All my fears come true
Please don't let them
I don't want it to be true
Just love me, be honest
Let me be the one to make it all real
To make it all true, to make your happiness complete
Yet will I ever believe that all your heart is with me?
Will the blood of my blood remember me?
So much to say yet no one to listen
Needing arms of comfort and someone to understand
Yet no one does, no one truly loves
Always to be just what I am
Nothing.
