My mind is like a game of cards in which you hold the ace of spades and every card I pick up is blank. You beat me at this, I haven't got a card up my sleeve and all I can do is call the bluffs. My improvision is slightly less meticulous but it leaves it for the imagination because every time I try to make sense of something I get brought back into this whirl of self-doubt and become most distraught. I can't let actions of others occupy my mind all day and zap what little clarity I have left in my brain, causing my thoughts and actions to be clouded and not understood to anyone. I have no grip on my life right now, I'm so far away in my mind I can't even begin to just have a moment to relax about these pressures, these ideas over-whelming in my head to drop all of something and give into one or just keep going at a snails pace into somewhere? My actions don't seem to speak for my own words anymore, the things I do seem to amount up to nothing to the things I say... Probably because I don't have the way of making my best judgements in person or maybe I'm more convincing when I'm speaking. I doubt that though. I hate all these probabilities and unconvincing statements that spread like wildfire, I don't know what I'm suppose to give into because if I don't have the right look on the way things are suppose to be I'm going to lose my mind into this frusteration and constant disregard for any sort of respect for me. But as the clock ticks by and the calendar fades away I know something will be changed completely.

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