Stone In Focus

Older stuff

Time stands still...the clock beats but doesn't move...the tap drops its water, but it never splats...You hear the butterfly flap its wings, but it never happens...You get a cold chill up your back, but its gone before it even started...You itch, but you cannot compensate this itch with a scratch...a pill is popped, but the effects aren't the same...the clock is still ticking, but the numbers are blurry...becoming a stranger in a group of friends, you don't know anyone anymore...the clock last said 10, but now it is 9...You think of everything that has made you happy, childhood dreams of simplicity and blissful ignorance, just laugh at immature words and don't ask questions...don't walk the path by the river you did as a kid, look at yourself in the reflection and realize nothings the same anymore, you were lied to. This isn't the real you, only a few people get you, and they still don't know everything. You want to punch the face in the river but it turns to black and the past fades away, to see that you can live another day. Walking past the stone on the side of the park, it glows and hums with ominous potential. You linger no longer in past memories, thanks to the attack, you lost 1 year of your life. Losing memory thanks to the city, nothing else to blame but the way things are. Why can't I grab that youth back, when girls were icky, and your best friend was defined by how many times they would call you to come out. Everything is gone, I wasted my childhood, and that stone resembles everything I dislike. Looking at it tears me up, I want to smash it down, but it has no property of life, its just a stone. So why do I feel violated, why do I feel such pain from thinking about that rock? So many accidents in my past, some are unforgiveable...and don't think I don't wake up in the middle of the night thinking maybe if I had of done something, things would be different. Talking to my friend about his problem instead of avoiding it only to hear he died from the very same problem. The wall that has been set between me and my parents, how angry I get at them for absolutely no reason. Thinking hurts me so much, but its only human to think. I have to stop thinking because it only gets worse, but I can only stop thinking when I am asleep, where my mind has no dreams, I just feel black...fall into the black...dwell within the black...and wake up to the black. Then I go back to that park, and face my phobia...I sit on the stone, and I think. My heart paces faster, my pulse is barely noticeable. I feel intense anxiety and couldn't know the difference if I dropped to the ground and died. Just so much that is going to be buried soon, when I finalize my emotionless status, no one can ever hurt me that way again. I will become both imperfect and the peak of my own perfection. I will no longer be biased to one side of a friends story, I will not care, I won't listen, I will be at peace, just knowing that no matter what they say won't affect me. No more anger, happyness, envy, or sadness. Just me. I can try the best I can, and the best I can is good enough.

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