Where Am I?


I am terrified because I am nowhere, what am I gonna do? How am I gonna afford a family? I need a good job, I'm missing out on so much... no college, no university. Nothing. I am so lost and I have no idea whats gonna happen, my friends are all leaving and i have very few left to turn to it scares me, its like I was the one who moved and don't know anyone. No parties for me, I am alone in this strange city I don't get to join anything or have fun orientations. Fuck. I look at how happy everyone else is, either they have a life where there tuitions are filled with money up the ass, or they are so high on drugs they don't notice what the fucks going on around them. I got a perfect idea as to whats going on around them. People like me, who are so fucked beyond recognition that they wish their lives were like a video game and that they could restart from birth and try over again. It's game over. I lost and I'm stuck to my paranoid and neurotic behaviors hoping that everything turns out for the best because I don't have a fucking say in whether or not I get to make my OWN FUCKING DECISIONS. God fucking damnit. I have a lack of aggresive curse words, trust me because if I had more I'd be using every last single one of them. I wish everything was more simplistic I don't think I am ready to deal with these bigger problems, I have too many smaller issues to deal with first, I am going to be crushed to death under all this pressure and stress, it almost feels like my bones are cracking when I walk. I have an anxiety almost every fucking day. I am so scared of being alone with these issues I don't know what I am going to do, or who I'm going to turn to. All my plans are so thorough that if just ONE thing goes wrong I am pretty much as good as dead. I can't turn back because the wall of the future keeps pushing me further. Something is everything, everything is nothing, and nothing is as it seems.

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