A secret life

Love Letter

Every night, I look into the stars and they

tell me that it is ment to be.

Every night, I ask the same the question.

Will this go where I want it to be? Will my secret life and my secret love ever come out into the world?

When he is not here I feel lost

I feel that I am not safe

I feel that I am not loved

I feel that I have no use in this world

I become depressed

On the days he does arrive,

my life is turned upside down.

I feel equal

I feel like I am actually human

I feel like I am a lady

I feel loved

I feel desired

Then He leaves and I go back to how I felt without him there.

I miss my love everyday and everynight

I miss his touch

the way he strokes my skin

the way he holds my face in his hands

the way he kisses me

the way he makes me feel when we make love

I miss looking into his eyes

I miss listening to what he has to say

Why must this go on and on, knowing everytime he arrives he must depart.

I will tell you why.

I am stuck in a house with a man I can not stand, but bare with.

Not knowing from day to day when the next slap across the face will happen

Not knowing if I am going to get yelled at for something stupid

I am tired of the physicall and emotional abuse. I want to be able to take my children and move away so they dont have to have it in their life.

But how can I, without bettering myself.

I am working hard now, to better myself so I can leave.

To be able to take care of my daughters on my own.

The one thing that scares me to death is not knowing if when I do go out on my own,

will the man I truely love and share my secret life with actually still be there?

I dream of him day and night

Wondering everyday if he truely loves me the way I love him.

I know what a wonderful and caring man he is, not many people see that of him, but I know its there. I want this man to be mine.

To be my husband, so we can raise his two boys and my two girls together,

as a real family of love.

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