(06) 7/4/82 I Kinda Hope You Won't Call Right Now

Yesterday, I felt good and sure

I had accepted "we" were over

It was time to move on with my life

I didn't even feel I missed you any more

Then ...

This evening, I heard our favorite song on the radio



I had just woken up from a long nap

And there was no one home

I felt that old familiar pain of wishing you were here

The tears weren't going to come this time

I don't want to cry about you any more

It's time to move on with my life

I felt so weak just the same

So, I kinda hope you won't call right now



It's so hard to feel strong right now

You could probably put those hope back in me

And I might profess I want you back

I can't let myself do it

because tomorrow, you'll be gone again

So, I kinda wish you won't call right now



Call me when I'm strong if you feel like calling

Then I'll be able to tell you I don't wait around any more

for you to call, or come back in my life

Just please don't call me now

because right now, I don't know if what I miss is

You ... or being in love.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I was two months away from giving birth.  I hated how much I missed Tom.  If only I were strong enough not to feel I needed him.  The truth was it was truly terrible being treated this way.  I was twenty-two years old.  I thought I was smarter than this.  Only teenagers hook up with irresponsible guys who ditch them when pregnant. I was an adult for goodness sake.  It shocked me that Tom was a year older than I was and so undependable.  The truth was he wasn't me. I was the dependable one.  I was the responsible one.  I was the loyal one.  How could I be so deceived?  He didn't deserve me.  If that was true, why did I feel so bad?

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