my notepad

a foolish notion
Incontrovertible differences clear to see ad personam
What is love? and truth? the life I live is proof measured by the gram
The passion of my broken soul is borderline insane
My truth is incredulity, my life burns in the flame
tasked with the insurmountable, doth thee realize
every moment of joy in life is dealt with equal pain

Author's Notes:
posted on 2011/12/21 - 04:24

fools folly
throwing all my time into these jars
my friends who truly dont exist
indeed that is what you are
i simply cant resist
i wait for the commencement of our lovely heart to heart
reach out and grab my worthless gift and expeditiously depart
the payment for this ugly bloke is fractional reciprocity
enduring streams of hatred obviate my predilection
for lying on a bed of nails in plain sight what perfection
patiently in the path of eternity where chaos with no measure
ticking talking consumed by the virtual vanity that prevails
does anyone see me I think not most assuredly
waxed cold with bitter enmity i you make it plain for all to see
for the world that lies in and out of fleeting discompassion
honest axes swinging with the precision of depravity served in rations
your wicked heart fires darts of hatred, whilest ticking in an anticlockwise fashion
clinging to the foolish notion of chemical attraction
when did you decide who i that i dont even deserve your minced shreds of compassion
in disgrace i cry before you, broken i fall into dismal finality
flowing into the fabric of persistant choking unreality
a hollow, inconsequential, insignificant exsitance
i gave myself to you who disdain my vapid souls insistance
contempt burning in your heart, immense hatred without measure flows
foul and demented satiation of your appetite for pleasure grows
murder me with those wicked words and rape me with your heart, I implore you
i will not stand a moment more, from your presence i must depart
a loss to which there is no compare a lasting indecision
lay beside him in your heart and call it a condition
coming home to feed me your lies and deciet whilst i struggle in dispair
i play the fool, you demonstrate your fondness for acting unaware
thank you o joyus one you make my soul go wild with tears of confusion
for in the end i find pillars of deceit on which you stand an irreversable intrusion
in response to the bitter joy of your vehement rage and conceit
i withdraw from thee and fade slowly back into insanity
a constant state of undeniable endless self defeat
and when i fail to hold myself
i run away in full defeat
when does this cycle end
why is never the answer
what is a true friend
a discontented
disrespectful
fools folly
rotten to the end

Author's Notes:
2011
posted on 2011/12/19 - 23:39

frame of mind
perhaps we wait for the past to encroach
like a midsummer's night on a fist full of depakotes
help me to see what i'm not before i crash
sublime like a bag of cream on the glass
the needful agents of a curious fool
beaten like the blade on a wool cutting tool

dulled by the pain pricking stab of time
swirling in patterns through waves of the blind
you see for a minute a glorious fire
trapped in the passion of moments desired

what has a life of pain has taught me
unrelenting silence broken by deed

fly with me now, into the world of the blind
where they fumble about in the depths of their mind
sneer at the wounded to please your soul
incapable of hurting i love you some more

why do you now laugh at my fright
of overwhelming disgust, in delight
tell me, do you know what it takes to give fleece
to those who care not for their own soul's release
from a prison without walls in the open air
i find myself driven to feed on despair
perhaps in this sea of voluminous crime
i simply cannot find a label for mine

maybe one day i will find another
one who sees with the eyes of a delicate mother
caught in the whelms of fear in the night
overthrown by her husband's rejection and smite
maybe then you will understand the proof of my ways
in doing so you learn the reason of the day
do not be afraid i am not going to hurt you
i only exist as a guide covered with glue
we do not fight for honor or glory
but instead for the greater good of the story
and when all has been spoken and all are in bed
perhaps there, as i lay, i will consider what you said

did it make sense for you, an attempt to assimilate me
were you looking for love, as seen on TV
i am not the regular brand of human feed
but rather a tasteless, colorless way to impede
the boundaries set by the ego inside,
woe is me for i'm caught in the swarm of lies
but forget that attitude it's already worn
by countless millions in glorious form

maybe my words serve to kill your delight
but really i hoped for your soul to ignite
and see that i am nothing more than a writer
weaving a web like a black widow spider
only my bite is not fatal, the wound will mend
serving only to remind you of the life that you spend
what is it that you seek, o curious one -
figuratively speaking i am certainly not done
forget the past, the future is now
and care for yourself lest your soul grow foul

Author's Notes:
posted on 2011/12/27 - 13:17

growing warm
lost upon my field today,

tulips red and sky of grey

disembodied in the rain,

won't the daffodils come and play

lonesomeness attenuated,

on this spring's quiet morn'

dew doth form upon my face,

to wet the petals lovely form

frolic through my boundaries,

curious spotted little fawn

turn thy head in majesty,

beauty grows with every dawn

your rolling hills appear to me,

without dismay or scorn

and when the trees are weeping,

you remind them of their form

Author's Notes:
posted on 2011/12/22 - 11:30

In desperation
You search for a hollow empty place
Pursuing the joy of a warm embrace

today's light fading for night's descent
a world fleeting by the folly of intent

wrecked you found no way to erase
scorning trepidation of your own abase

an ink well dried by the lot of a quill
a frantic attempt to show how you feel

future imperfect, perfectly terrific
losing yourself can be quite horrific

life seems better through looking glass
until you find yourself nothing more
a soul without mass

Author's Notes:
Dec 19 2011 - why do i feel
posted on 2011/12/19 - 23:22

matter of heart
writhing patiently in confusion
what rests within the heart of thee
last night's reprive, my own delusion
lives trapped within synchronicity
silence my fate, define my own realm
not left contemplating at the helm
still yet i remain confused
caught on the sinuous road of truth
my soul trapped within this container
direction's purpose for the living forsooth
crying out of despair, indeed tis' a poxy life
let this not be my conclusion, nevertheless
a difficult measure, calling for change

Author's Notes:
posted on 2011/12/25 - 17:08

My hope...
spinning in circles the worlds only fate
always lost in my words, an empty slate
deeply saddened by you, mostly your hatred
never held to the importance of what was sacred
echos of the hope i once had
surrounded by reminders of the cost
sadly enduring the path now mine alone

that run from myself - but most of all you
for thousands of miles yet still subdued
held captive to the thoughts of disaster
once again the object of scorn and laughter
gave you my all, my heart you enraptured
was he worth it was his love merely manufactured?
our agreement you most certainly destroyed

how did this happen was my desperate cry
my life is gone, everything has been taken
the repayment for my loyalty is clearly fake
words do this no justice for i would rather die
please take my soul i am tired of the lie

i sit here and weep as i write these lines
broken and beaten by the gift of time
you can have it back i am not fine
for i don't want it to feel anymore
please take it away, i implore!

Author's Notes:
posted on 2011/12/21 - 22:36

reality
real is what sees what is real
trapped behind the time of lines standing still
masquerade of the unconscious, a fallen fate
totally forgotten and laid to waste

but i keep standing here caught in the fire
deeply singed into my soul is what you left behind

feathered wings in tar desperately wrote
pressed lips waxed the seal, loves antidote
scribed on the walls with overwhelming dispair
In all subliminal, sensational, erotic appeal
memories past tense and border on the surreal

but i keep standing here caught in the fire
deeply singed into my soul is what you left behind
i keep standing here calling your name, and all i hear is the pain

knowing love, confusion, and desolate fear
driven by your braizen appetite for distress
free falling from your hearts last remaining request

i remain in you

from the earth to the sea and our place inside
diving into the waters of eternity,
toward the earth the resounding screams of hell overwhelming me
i am the only one who truly felt your soul and knew its worth

Author's Notes:
october 2011ish
posted on 2011/12/19 - 23:28

removed
the rose of my heart in bloom, with thorn
a tale of a self hating soul in a storm
for when the skies opened up with the rain
a diamond came falling wrapped with distain

this jewel of the nile with a delicate heart
came rushing forth in passion alone he departs
with the breath of a fool and the mind's driving spark
you slashed him to pieces whilst he fell in the dark

to us this life seems so improbably fashioned
when truth comes along we refuse to take action
simple desires of humanity's wayward heart
devouring our flesh with the teeth of a shark

when will you see the truth of the matter
it's served to you on a divinely foul platter
gripping the sword of truth in white light
found hurling it down when it comes to the fight

for your helmet is broken with bone crushing arrows
the song of our love sung by a delicate sparrow
for all my disgrace and abundant self doubt
i lie here alone without

into the scene of our life comes another
eradicating the path of the child, father, and mother
selfishly ignoring the pain he inflicts on our life
or is my objection of truth not worth the fight

you hide in the shadow realm in vapor disguise
stealing eggs like a fox with the wit of the sly
seed dripping where she lay in pleasurable distress
a father bereft for his soul doth feel the duress

Author's Notes:
posted on 2011/12/26 - 22:23

self inflicted
more often then not when your soul is distraught
you might find yourself wrought with disdain
encapsulated by the program of pain

covered in code from this dire self prediction
a wandering mind in the souls jurisdiction

taken to heart with a lack of remembrance
realizing the breadth of your very own penance

exquisitely cutting your sheer supple skin
spectacularly real - this must be a sin

just one more time, we agree, to the last
suddenly you find yourself, back in the grass

OH! how I scream at the top of my voice
WILL YOU STOP THIS NOW, SURELY IT'S NO MORE THAN A CHOICE
tears stream down my face my struggle for courage melts
the backs of my thighs, covered in whelps

why then must i keep going, i cannot decide
driven by a deep chasm my soul's divide

when all has calmed and the finish is near
a sobering experience brings me back to the clear

i began the night so beautifully soft and tender
unfortunately i spent the night in the blender

Author's Notes:
posted on 2011/12/21 - 03:26

the moment
savor the moment, for this too shall pass
in a tiny blip of existence, we shared
for our slice of the universe we did compare
are we gods in a container, trapped by an illusion

or doth the power to shape our world
exist between our hands, and hearts
my heart rushes with your presence
may i share your lips for another moment

come closer, let me whisper in your ear
words to tear down the walls that separate us
boundaries between us are an illusion
you are separated from me by your own choosing

perhaps another day you may feel compelled
an unchanging desire to be understood helps those of us
for in my own self doubt i find the truth of humanity
in the flesh we are compelled to chase our own dreams

to obtain that feeling of gratification, deserved
serving is my only capacity, not the served
for i, am caught in the trap of this earth
split between the hairs of this universe

i am

Author's Notes:
posted on 2011/12/25 - 17:04

the song of love
lovers subject to law of ridiculousness,

the fight that borders the irrelevant
truly to cover ones own foul intent

tainted by self righteous, self serving nature,
fear creeps through the sea like an antarctic glacier

the freedom of love is not for all
your soul is often confused
like leaves in the fall

mesmerized by the beauty of that which is naught
chase dreams that remove the power of thought

the key is in simple, truthful consent
don't muddy the water with selfish intent

Author's Notes:
today 2011
posted on 2011/12/21 - 12:06

the words of the fallen
something not plain for all to see
intrepid words in agony
venerable lips, what is the manipulation?
the source your boundless trepidation

your fearless heart has my compassion
do not let them quench your passion
anger and sadness on which I feast
define my heart not in the least

run to the flames of solitude in which I fold
and hide yourself from their control

Author's Notes:
posted on 2011/12/20 - 19:56

to you
i love her, the one that seeks inspiration
of which i am not oblivious
i seek to know her more
for in myself i doubt, to understand
to be understood, this is what troubles me

i sit in my cave, confused - regretting
wondering if this could have been different
maybe there is a way to salvage
what i have lost...

such a wonderful soul, glowing
in fascination i ponder her existence
hoping for a moment, that she would notice me
lying in doubt i need her words to fill me
unable to stand on my own i fall

help me please

i cannot move without your affection

Author's Notes:
posted on 2011/12/25 - 16:55

Umek - Posing as me

I look in the mirror
And I hate what I see
A wannabe model
Posing as me

My mirror is watching me
trapped in the screen
Got to open this window
Let the reality in

I look in the mirror

What I see must be me
A silicon sexpet
As seen on tv

My designer body
fits my big brothers mind
Love me or hate me
Just watch my behind

Author's Notes:
posted on 2011/12/23 - 11:12

untitled
helplessly caught in the fire of strife
quenched by the water of loves notion
drenched in the passion of your emotion
your soft caress and lips help me forget
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet

maybe in the rain we will feel better
the hours go by as our bodies get wetter
pierce my love for your flames in the night
help me forget love now serving as plight
guiding my passions, the whims of a pet
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet

preciously painted in orange and gold
october's pumpkins now covered in mold
merely serving subjectively to silhouette
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet

Author's Notes:
posted on 2011/12/23 - 00:10

why do you lie
purposeful direction
incorrection's alibi
succintly so prudent
why do you lie?

continuous addiction
the fools only strife
barbarous the nature
why do you lie?

fears do wreck lives
falling for the weapon
that leaves me unfit
why do you lie?

this paths direction
abides to the strife
that destroys my lips
why do you lie?

lost in the wretched
hand reach the knife
unholy vain disguise
why do you lie?

i fall to the ground
considering the lie
faint my last breath
why do you lie?

went to with a scowl
bounded the pleasure
released heartlessly
why do you lie?

fortuitous is hardly
the word to describe
my final inscription
why do you lie?

Author's Notes:
2011
posted on 2011/12/21 - 05:22

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