down and up, and down again

tis my life, my sorrow filled life

since the days of my 'awakening'

i have relized many things

life 'tis not fair, nor will it ever be

every now and then, life tosses you a gift

yet only takes back for it while your distracted

life handed me a gift, one that's beautiful

yet she is not relized by others

not even by herself...

yet with this gift, something is taken away

doubt has filled the void where once being proud stood

the trust has left them

oh they say they trust their eldest son, i really should believe them

their words are meaningless, they only think that i would do what they once did

and you know what?

you know what i really think?

i think i would

i have wanted to do the 'dirty deed' the 'forbidden dance' for so long now

i have only known her a lil more then a month, yet i have wanted to for the last 4 weeks

it has scared me more then you could ever know

for the first time in my life, my hormones have kicked in, and they scare me

i know im a guy, but this isn't like me

the average guy thinks about sex every six seconds

i know i might have thought about sex maybe that much every 3 hours

throughout my life, most ppl might have thought i was perverted

yet i only shared more then they dared to

they all think more, in fact i know they did since they tell me

it really is quiet scary, for if what i think is way below average

i could understand, and become horrified how some sick guys could rape girls

i think something is wrong with me

its almost like she is a catalyst, that has set some process off inside me

i have thoughts lately i have not thought ever

i can't even look at other girl's anymore, i always think how they aren't as cute as her

is this what it means to be in love?

i have nothing to go by to tell me anything else

then i guess this is love, all that its fabled to be

who would have thought, it would be as different as this

i always thought i would just see a girl, and we would naturally click and fall in love

well, i almost did that with her

cept i knew her about 3 months before i looked, eye-2-eye with her

even now, i am crying, it is weird, i haven't cried for about 2 years, yet since i have dated her, i have cried so many times

no, not caused by her, but for some reason, she makes me feel safe

when she is in my arms, or I in hers, the world spins by without my notice

the whole world slows down

minutes to others passes by me in hours

i dwell in the "now" longer then most

she shares this time difference with me

i think for some reason, in a sort of kooky way, our minds distort time

"time flies when your having fun," thats bullshit

your caught up in each individual moment, truly treasuring life for what it's worth

not many people can do that, suposedly from Our Town, only saints and bards

well I doubt i'm a saint, due to all my sins, yet i believe, no, i know i'm a bard

she is a bard whether she thinks it or not

yet we both have the qualities of saints in us

we are both humble, both think our works of art suck, and our bodies shouldn't be looked at

luckily we have each other to compliment and bring our self-esteem up

im suposedly helping her, but without her, i might not be here right now typing this up

i had thought of suicide as a way out, yet the song she wanted me to listen to came on

"Everything" by Lifehouse, a sweet song

and i relized that somewhere out there, is a person that loves me

now i know my parents love me, and my brother no matter what he says he does

yet she loves me not from blood bonds or from legal status

she loves me for who i am

and i thank her for that, for without her, i would cease to be

i could not hurt her that much, to end my life, and leave her empty, leave her barren

i know i'm not her whole life, but i am fairly sure

that if i had in fact comited suicide, that she might not have taken her life

yet her world would be down trodden by the lack of respect her family has for her

they have a true gem amoung coal, that one diamond caused by all the pressure and tension

luckily, i have found that treasure, and i call it my own

no matter what anyone does to her, i shall perservere for her

i shall fight her battles side-by-side with her

or if she fights them herself, i shall be right behind her, backing her up every step of the way

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