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Granny’s False Teeth.

My old Granddad was a real bright spark. I think his motto was, (Anything for a bright life) He lived up to this, as my little story will tell. One day on a visit Granddad winked at me and said Granny’s mislaid her False teeth she does not go much on speaking at the moment. I played up to this and went into Granny’s room. Having problems with talking Granny? Have you tried Honey and warm milk?

The look Grandma gave me boded no good. He has hidden them again he only does it to annoy me. With that Granddad came into Granny’s room with a handful of false teeth. I found these at the market they were ever so cheap. Perhaps we can find a pair that fit you. Oh! By the way I have washed them thoroughly with warm water and soap nothing that can harm you. I saw Granny’s hand reach for the tin mug that she always had by the bedside, just in case.

Just in case of what I never did find out but by the look on Granny’s face Granddad was going to feel the weight of that mug if he got any closer to the bed. From behind his back Granddad took a glass with a set of false teeth in it. Are these your teeth my love he sweetly asked. I will not repeat Granny’s answer just to say that mug missed Granddad by about an inch or so. Now it was Granddads turn to have a little go at Granny. “Is this the thanks I get for finding your teeth, cleaning them and bringing them to you?” Now Gran exploded. “My teeth, they are not my teeth where have you hidden my teeth? You know I cannot eat without them I cannot chew and swallowing is a big problem.

Winking at me Granddad left the room and this time he really did bring Granny’s teeth with him. Gran always kept her teeth in an old coronation mug. Her saying was, “If I have to look at them every day then let them see me without me teeth.” Gran inspected first the coronation mug, Queen Victoria’s coronation it was quite old. Then carefully she raised first the bottom teeth then the top teeth and put them into her mouth. Granddad with a smirk on his face called out, “Got you there my sweetie. I knew the coronation mug would make you think the teeth were really yours.” Then he took from his pocket a tin an old tobacco tin. Opening the tin he showed Granny another set of teeth. These are your teeth my love shall I clean them for you or will you put them in your mouth as they are.

Gran looked at him but she could find no words to say. Granddaddy was not finished he told Granny that he was going to send a set of teeth to everyone in the family telling them this was her last will and testament and that they should look after the teeth that had served her so well all these years. I could not hold back any longer I just had to leave the room. I looked in on them as I left to go back to my own home. The pair were kissing and cuddling like a couple of twenty year olds. Just one thing was missing, not really missing but laying in two halves on the bedroom floor the Victoria Coronation Mug.