Journal 09/02/08: Exercising With Leisure Suit Larry

=I'll bet you're all thinking that, based upon the title alone, I've recently purchased a Nintendo Wii Fit, and that I'm on the Wii pad, keeping step with "Laffing Larry" and his four Pamela Anderson look-a-likes, their silicon gel packs bouncing up and down to Jane Fonda-esque aerobics; all the while, Larry Laffer is having the time of his life.  He's being true to his video game character:  Larry's under the delusion that he and these body- suited bimbos will be engaging in another kind of "workout".......

......Which is the way I live, sort of.  I have certain men working out on me in my own mind.  If there was a Wii Fit video on the market with Oded Fehr ("The Mummy", "The Mummy Returns", "Resident Evil:  Apocalypse/Extinction") doing Hapkido lessons--since he's a practitioner of this form of martial arts--, I'd be busting my butt so fast to get it.  But alas, there is no Oded Fehr workout video of any kind in circulation, not even porn.  If I were to do any jumping at all, my four ruptured spinal discs, along with my two busted knees would divorce the rest of me.  So no jumping.

I was preparing to make up for two days of missed workouts on my cross trainer.  However, I nearly missed my workout session this evening because I developed a widely known form of retail disease called "I just gotta have a new game for my new phone"-itis.  Normally I start my sessions at approximately 7 p.m., but was 90 minutes overdue because I just had to peruse my favorite mobile game site.  Rather than take the high road and buy an educational game, I took the lowest road possible and bought "Leisure Suit Larry: Love For Sail."  

Yep, I really went downhill in the "Einstein" department this evening.  Shaking my head, I thought of the intellect it must take to derive pleasure from this activity:  Playing a video game that, since its conception in the 1980's, involves one loser of a guy who invariably gets mixed up in one whacky situation after another, and always running into a plathera of lusty women in an endless search for the woman of his dreams.  Or, in his dreams.  Let's not leave out the hilarious pickup lines that once left the game players in stitches.

After nearly an hour of game play, I got on my cross trainer at last.  But I had my mobile phone laying on the window sill next to me as usual, so that I have a game to play in between breaks.

Step One:  Four deep, meditative breaths/general cardiovascular workout, taking approximately 10 to 15 minutes; works every muscle in the human body, warming them up for more focused exercises.

Step One and a half:  Five minutes with Larry Laffer showing me around his apartment.  Acquire letter sent by his boss, read/follow instructions (Larry Laffer must attend a last chance seminar for imbeciles like himself, so that he doesn't get fired); go upstairs to bedroom; get suitcase, come back downstairs.  Only a few minutes to acquire leftover pizza and have Larry eat it before he heads out of the door, thus ending the tutorial and beginning his adventure.

Step Two:  Four deep breaths to distribute oxygen to tired muscles and to improve posture/Work biceps, focusing on keeping the stomach muscles tightened during the pull-up, and the back straight.

Step Two-and-a-half: Five minute rest period at the hotel with Larry, who got on the wrong plane; thinks he's at the right hotel to attend the "last chance seminar";  Look around the lobby for items to pick up and add to inventory; Go to hotel desk, acquire room key from the Steward, who's mistaken Larry for the famous "Mr. L"


And, you can pretty much get the idea from there.  Yes, I finished every step of my workout with Leisure Suit Larry as my companion.  

I know what you're thinking:  That I'm a pretty lucky gal, things couldn't possibly get any better than sweatin' it out with Larry Laffer; that although things could be a lot worse, today was a good day after all.  

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