Darkness loomed over my life with extreme ominous ness.

I stood there dazed, confused, and hearing yet not listening as the doctor told me. “These

Are very powerful and have barbiturates in them so be careful.”

A few days earlier I thought, “ I don’t know how to swim, if I just drove off the Arkansas River downtown, no one would notice.” I went to see my therapist who spent the whole time yelling at me about not spending any time with my significant other.

Walking will help I thought, so I went to my favorite park.

Tears swelled up in my eyes.

Tears full of loneliness, despair and anguish.

Tears so strong and powerful they were too proud to roll down my cheeks but soaked my heart full. My insurance is enough to take care of all my financial obligations and pay for my cremation I said and thought.

Entering the house I started downing the pills like they were chocolate flavored m & m’s.  Next thing I knew I was losing consciousness.  I called an acquaintance to drive me to the hospital, entering the urgent care the nurse looked at me and said you can either drink it yourself or do it our way.

The black drink slid down my throat and it tasted terrible. In moments I was taken away and told that I was getting help. Thus ended my charcoal field trip. Hoping I’ll not do another one again.  

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This is something that I felt needed to be talked about. I'm not perfect, but i don't want to go through that again.

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