Life of the dead heart Phoenix (ch14&15)

I feel all this tension with in me but it is a tension for phisical release ... or is it for emotional ... I don't know. I know that I need some one near me to share it with, but is that just because the act is easier with 2 or is it a need for company that draws me to this place at this time? I don't know... When will I know, I want to know, I need to know.

Things aren't as they appear... as the girl said in the Matrix "Don't try to bend the spoon, that is impossable, instead try to realise that there is no spoon... that it is just apart of you and try to bend yourself..." That is how I feel ... is this real or am I trying to bend the spoon instead of myself?

That is what I seek to know

That is what I try to know

That is what I need to know

This is what I want to know...

Does my heart beat for the soul purpose of moving blood or for other reasons as well?, Well does it?


Things are changing ... they always do... but they are changing faster than normal for me. Is this good, or is this bad?

I know nothing of a God or of a Devil. I know nothing of a heaven or of a hell. All I know is that this life is our heaven or our hell by what dreams we let come true and what we let go by.

Not all dreams will come true, not all dreams should. If it were as easy as to dream then there would be no need for you.

That would be a bad thing for I would have missed your companionship... Nothing now will make me forget you... What was your name? I'm sorry I'm trying to be funny... They say that a tiger can't change his stripes or a lepord her spots... I want to change mine ... I CAN CHANGE MINE. I won't settle for how I am now ... I can't settle for how I am now...

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