Life of the dead heart Phoenix (ch3&4)

The heart aches with phantom pains of love it has felt befor. The heart beats to keep the body alive. The heart is no more and no less than a pump. Yet to most it is much more than that and to me it is much less. It keeps alive a body that has died of feelings and seeks lonelyness to company for neither bring comfert but one brings less headache.

My looks get guys attention, my words mesmerize them, my smile encurages them yet all are hollow. I am more atuned to what my body feels for I feel so little. To shed one tear out of pain or sorrow, to laugh one time with mirth and glee. To do either once, just once would be the world to me. I have no fear for that can find no home in a frozen heart... I wonder how a heart of stone can still pump and keep the body of one that is dead to life alive?


These past few days I think that there is a new pain within my heart a pain that is not caused by the defect of a valve but in a defect in the armor. Could it be that in all this sharing that maybe the armor is weakening? I'd say I feel hope but I don't, not yet at least, it seems logical that if it is a chink in the armor then it would only be natual that some day, soon maybe, I may feel something other than logic and impressions of what others think.

That day will come but there is a price to pay and I know it. No one should know about what will come of them. Yet some poeple do. For now my heart is still cold and hard and the pain is no more... maybe it is a phantom pain, that of a lost part that will never be there again, It is logical to think that too. Yes Logic that is all I have now.

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