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        Held by a grip unable to be reckoned with,
      surrendered to the silence found in darkness,
     accepting of the hopelessness that seems to win
    when despair approaches, reminding me of my sin~
          ~the endlessness of nights filled
               with regret's bitter aftertaste,
     the hollowness of victories unknown echoing on
  hinder me from entering into sleep's sweet & gentle bliss
        of resting in the battle already won~

  ~& in the dawn's approach, exhaustion takes it's toll,
      dreams can't invade the weariness I bear,
until the Lord who knows no bounds whispers gently within,
    & let's me know that even in insomnia, He's there~
   ~He tells me of the ways of love I have not seen,
       He opens my eyes to mysteries, in dreams,
  He offers hope to the despair that never quite leaves,
     reaching out to exchange His peace for fear~

  ~& I am torn, the guilt & regret, long-time companions
  who, each time they leave, leave shadows in their wake,
   & He extends His mercy through the condemnation,
offering, lovingly, so gently, my heavy burdens to take~
  ~So many times, my prayers seem to have broken through,
     then the night comes, our daughter sleeps, & I
   am torn apart, by her heart's longing for a father,
   in my attempt to numb out further, eventually, I cry,
    & as the tears escape their hiding place within,
        & as the words I never dare say out loud
  slip out in the gentle silence of the Lord's presence,
             a little more pain is lost,
       a few more droplets of peace are found,
    & why He has allowed me to travel this valley
     so long a time without the mountain peaks
    I may never understand from this side of Heaven,
   but when I read His Word, still, His truth speaks,
  & one by one, the lies are exposed for what they are,
         & day by day, deliverance approaches,
      & I am undone in the presence of the things
      that threaten still sometimes to swallow me,
                as darkness encroaches~

   ~& you are still a lost & hidden mystery,
    part of us forever, yet ripped out of our lives
         by lies that should've been exposed
            & yet never were between us,
              as He reveals the truth to me
              alone with her, our daughter...
                       *~*~*~*~*
                                     ~By Anastazia Rowe~    
                                         June, 2003.