Now You're Gone

I woke up today thinking about you, which is something strange because I don't miss you at all, at least that is what I tell everyone, including myself. But who am I kidding? I miss you so bad. I hate this, I feel so lonely without you and I just want to go back in time and forget that now you're with him, that now he is the reason of your smile, God I miss seeing your smile. I hate that now you're doing things with him that you used to do with me, but the truth is that I really hope that he makes you happy because that's the most important thing to me, your happiness. I want you to know that if you ever want to come back to me, no matter how hurt I’m now, I’ll let you in again, but I guess I need to let go of that idea because you left me and now you're gone.


Today is the day 72 since you left and I ask myself why I’m still counting the days? I guess that is something that I can't control anymore. It was 4 PM when my friend, Chris, called. He invited me to one of his big parties and he told me that you were going to be there and luckily your new boyfriend is out of town so this was my big opportunity to clarify things with you. It took me some time to admit that the best option was to stay in my department; I'm not ready to see you again.

I can’t sleep, it’s 2 AM here in L.A. and I'm just lying on my bed thinking about how happy I used to be. Sadly, you were the key to my happiness and now that you're not next to me, I lost it. I wish we could get back together but clearly that's not going to happen because I know that everything happens for a reason and also I respect the decision you made, no matter how much it hurts. I wonder if I could ever get one more chance.

The next morning Chris was knocking my door, I wanted to kill him. If he only knew how much time it took me to close my eyes and fell asleep. I got up from my bed and opened the door; he was standing there with a mysterious face. I asked him what was wrong with him and that's when he showed from behind his back a letter. A letter you gave him on the party last night. My heart was beating fast and I felt my hands shaking, I took the letter from his hands and I shut the door on his face. Sorry Chris, I need to do this by myself.


Dear Jerry,


I don't know how to start this letter I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for the way our relationship ended. I want to be friends with you again but I guess that is something impossible, it’s not going to be easy neither for you nor for me. I know you might hate me, and honestly I hate the way I acted too. Anyway, this is not your fault, nothing is wrong with you. I am the problem; I don't think I can deserve you. I’ll always adore you because you show me new feelings and experiences that I’ll never forget. Thank you for loving me and for always being by my side. I really miss hanging out with you but now is not the right time for us and probably will never be. I learned to be happy and I want the same for you, don't give up on love because of me. I know that you will find someone who can make you as happy as I am now so please, go find your true love and never let her go. Goodbye Jerry.


Sincerely, Michelle.


I finished reading the letter and I didn't know what to do, should I answer you with another letter or this was our goodbye? Typically, here I’m thinking about you. I don't know why you said that you didn't deserve me, I know that we had our differences but we always found a way to move forward. I wanted to talk to you and make you reconsider what you wrote but you are happy now and I should understand that. I'll always be thankful for the moments that we lived together and I'll try to move on and find my true love, as you said. I promise to myself that when I find her, I'm going to be the perfect man for her and I'll not screw up things with her. I wish you the best. Goodbye Michelle.

Story written by: Alexandra Santos

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