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_______
Its like a sharp knife
being fed up with life.
copy and paste any emotions
that cause me to take flight
over flight. what is wrong
what is right. sick of the nightmares that come in the night.
alive. strive. starving to survive.
making a name for myself
instead of being left on the shelf.
i am a bit restless
throwing wrenches in gears of acceptance.
many of nights I sit in silence choking on smoke
in with the fumes out with the bullshit
raining empty thoughts
scraping bottom buckets
drowning in things that dont matter.
so tell me does it really fucking matter?
its rhetorical. Im not asking for any chatter.
I am starting to get a little pissed off.
Like straight shots of popov.
honesty leaves a bad taste,
nervously biting my lip
until my teeth slip and I bite off my tongue.
unable to speak. the taste of my own blood.
fills my mouth leaving me at ease.
I just want to lay waste to this world and everything in it.
compassion is something I am learning to forget.
no purpose dwelling on a regret.
cheated stolen used and abused.
pick me up and see how far you can throw.
like an old Bic lighter nobody questions where it goes.
spineless and pretentious.
a class act in fact take me off the guest list.
sick of being alone. no reason to carry a phone.
nobody to tell me to come home.
it doesn't exist. in the midst of feeling tired.
there is no risk. when you got nothing
but a back pack and a nut sack
that plans on traveling the world and back
Ill manifest myself in the sound waves
and speak for anyone who feels like me.
Ive seen enough shit for two or three.
nobody knows the difference between love and lust.
abuse my trust. no way to buff out this rust.
on the subject of my heart. fuck a false start.
give me a restart ill tare you part.
with syllables and alibis
god i no longer ask why
repeating questions
with no fucking answers.
nothing to fear but fear itself.
nothing in this world can save me from myself.
a little dark and twisted.
up up and away.
wishing for a better day.
fly me away from negativitay
fuck your issues. Im fresh out of tissues.
these hos aint loyal.
they make my blood boil.
till im sitting in a bathroom
heating up aluminum foil.
nothing left to spoil.
So I jam that nail into a coil.
and breathe deep.
sanctuary is a place id like to keep.
Calamity is always the best dressed.
Come to impress. Shes a mess.
too many pills I cant read text.
So tell me whats next.
I wont stand for this much longer.
Robbed, defeated, cheated repeated.
over and over. breaking down doors
to try and find some type of exposure,
searching for a shoulder.
worthy enough to lean on.
but I move too fast. Gave it too much gas.
crash. between a few rocks and a few hard places.
i got one foot in the past. and an attitude that says kiss my ass.
as I tumble down this rock slide of pride.
thoughts derailed. Destruction has been unveiled.
You want the truth?
Ive been fucked up since my youth.
spinning in and out of my head.
waking up in hospitals
failed attempts to delete myself.
memories haunt the mind.
subconscious is not fine.
Conscious wants to kill him all the time.
no place to be still. still.
no place to unwind.
No more holding back whats inside.
Convalescence. My essence.
I cannot heal nor die.
believe me I tried.
so I block out reality.
until the sun shines.
I wont watch my dreams die.
Its either do or die.
I wont be a prisoner of my own mind.
this passionate anger is what keeps me alive.
