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Dreams of Dying (Read Authors notes)
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Intoxicated transcripts Hello you have reached chris's voicemail. leave a message after the beep.
"Hey chris its Joey, i kinda got myself into a big mistake, i'm not sure where i'm at or what i'm doing but i am about a mile deep into this unknown forest...its in the middle of the night i lost my shoes and i am struck walking barefoot. i dont have much time my battery is running low, i am using it for a light because i keep tripping over logs and rocks. no one is with me i have a pocket ful of ambien, percs and klonopin. i am not not sure how i got in this situation but i hope you get this message soon because i dont think i have much time."
(ten minutes go by i get a call back right before i am about to swallow the pills and just lay back. lost in the middle of god know where. frantic on the phone as i pick it up)
Chris Shouts panicingly, "joey what the fuck are you doing? i got your voicemail.. where are you? what is going on? maybe i can come find you. its 4 am and i gotta be at work before 9. is there anything i can do to help you through this dude this shit isnt cool i am now scared shitless."
I am calm and collected i just reply
"dude there's nothing no one can do i am stuck in the dark with me myself and i. i am scared dude i don't want to take these drugs cuz ill die. but i don't have much time left, all i ask is that you stay on the phone till the battery's dies..."
(at that time he only gets worse) "why did you do this, you could have called sooner. i would have came and maybe picked you up some dinner. i understand the life change was hard but this is beyond comprehension. hang in there till morning and try to force yourself out of this. your nineteen dude this phase will pass you. you will be able to get through this shit i promise."
(there's a long pause just the sound of sobbing coming in from both lines.)
"i don't think i can make it this time...my battery is blinking i tripped and fell and my foot is bleeding... its my younger brothers 10th birthday today...i snorted his aderol and ran away. i blacked out in the midst of all this. before i knew it i ended up like this. i got a few percs in me to ease the pain. its cold outside i am now walking in the rain. i am sorry to put this call on you but i didnt know what else to do... i feel as helpless as you do. i was 3 days from breaking 3 months clean but my fucking thinking got me back in this old routine."
(finally sobbing stops and the facts start hitting...) chris sternly reply's "dude joey, i cant help you out this time. you gotta go find help or you are going to die out there. i never felt so helpless in my life. i wont ever find fucked up shit like this even in the soon to come army life. your 2 hours away lost in a forest. i am glad you called but you cant put this on me. maybe you should call 911 or whoever your living with its a better chance to survive than with what your odds are currently showing now."
i painfully answer "if i hang up my phone i wont be able to call anyone else so this is my farewell no doubt. a shitty friend wont even begin to describe how ugly i am within. i apologize for doing this twice within one life let alone half a year. just stay with me man i hear birds hollowing in this darkness i never felt so scared and the urge to just disappear. i wish i could of told you earlier how great of a friend you were instead of this situation i put you in for the second time."
...the fear starts again as realization i wont be able to pull through this time.
"joey man you can make it fight it you can survive this shit"
(...i slip a few ambien and finish off the percs and klonos as hes franticlyy rambling...)
"Chris i am sorry i did this to me and have you be the bearer of bad news but tell everyone that I.....*click* the phone dies as i sit and just wait to die...
then i wake up it was all just a crazy dream.
