La Douleur Exquise

Hyacinth garden

Last night I had a dream; it seems so long since I have dreamt.
I dreamt I was lying in bed and waiting for you to join me.
I was wearing nothing.
You wanted to wear pajamas because you felt uncomfortable sharing a bed with me naked. I did not want you to wear them.
Slowly, artfully, I disrobed you,
Then you drew me into your heart.
Your laughter in my ear, your lungs inhaling me, your honeyed lips tasted so sweet.
We arrived in ecstasy for that first time, limbs entwined, oiled with sweat, and scent.
After a year, you had decided to end things yet still one last time you shared your bed with me.
I wondered why it was all so…painful.
And I suddenly realized why the pain of losing your love was so intense.
There is something about that pain, of allowing someone to love you… and losing that love.
I woke up feeling strange and alone, thinking how I would rather have you there loving with me than somewhere else forgetting me.
I did not love that exquisite pain.
I loved you.
I always did from the first moment.

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