Why Must I?

I always wish…

That I can just stop pulling away from people

When they try to get close to me and…

Take the time of day to get to know them better

Trying their best to improve our friendship

Being patient all this time

While I push and shove them away

Like it was all a misunderstanding

Every time they try to get close to me

Whenever, I get a chance to talk to them about me

All of a sudden, I just simply, freeze up and

Forget everything; I’ve always wanted to say to them

After all these years of planning inside of my head

Of what to say and prove to them I want to be a friend to them and

Show them that I want to straighten things out between us

Has all been lost in that very moment, I just freeze up and forget…?

I really want to take the time to find out

Why a part of me wants to push and shove away my true friends

I want to take the time to get to just simply talk to my friends about me and…

Why I am the way I am with them this very moment

I just can’t seem to find the right words to say to them

That I was hoping for all along

It had been planned inside my mind all these years

Careful planning and thought was lost in that very moment

When I had so many chances before to get to know each and everyone of them better and had many chances before to make all this come true

I let my doubts and fears get the best of me

What I didn’t realize was that I was thinking negatively

All I had to do was convince myself that if I didn’t think positively

I’ll be missing out on many of the great things in life

And realize what your true friends are for

The question I find asking myself retentively is…

Why must I pull away from my true friends when they get close to me?

I guess it’s the fact that I just don’t want to experience all the pain and sorrow

I’ve been through my whole life

I can’t bear to relive the experiences that have greatly affected my life and caused my heart to ache with such sorrow and darkness

I just wish there was a miracle

That’ll help me overcome my doubts and fears

That way, my friends won’t find it difficult at times

To get close to me and take their time to get to know me better

If only, there was a way

People won’t find it hard to get close to me sometimes

I’ve learned that I just got to be patient with all this and take the time to overcome my doubts and fears

So…I can leave them behind me and be glad that I didn’t live in fear my whole life

I now know, that it’ll take time for me to overcome my lack of trust

That I have for people sometimes

I can simply make all this come true

If I just be true to myself and my heart

Author's Notes/Comments: 

i wrote this poem/song to get my thoughts down on how i've felt lately about me being too shy and scared to overcome my fears and doubts i have for my true friends getting close to me.

View 1rockerchic89's Full Portfolio