A new kind of vasectomy is being performed but it's not a hit.
When men learn how it's performed, all of them have a fit.
It's the same thing that happens when vets neuter dogs and cats.
Becoming a eunuch isn't appealing and we men won't accept that.
When the surgeon told me what he was going to do, I hit the ceiling.
I kicked his ass up and down the street, now he'll spend months healing.
Wives like the new vasectomy but men won't stand for it at all.
These surgeons may take our dignity but they won't take our balls.
I walked out the door.
Happy as can be.
I felt so nice.
My balls felt free.
The air felt fresh.
It smelled like soap.
But there it was.
It stared at me.
It was so buff.
It opened its mouth.
I seen it puff.
I turned around.
And I seen another.
This one was bigger.
It was the mother.
It opened its pocket.
And grabbed a grapple.
She threw it at me.
It hooked my apple.
I need a plan.
And i need it fast.
Or my sack of potatoes.
Are going to blast.
I turned on my chainsaw.
I felt it roar.
I aimed for the privates.
And the beast was no more.
A lesson is told.
If you don't have a gun.
Guard your batteries.
And then you should run.
The plane fell down.
It squished my cat.
Splattered the curtains.
And destroyed the mat.
I ate a sandwich.
It tasted like sex.
I went to Walmart on
a Tyrannosaurus Rex.
I ate some spaghetti.
And some 2 dollar cakes.
Still Had some money.
So I bought some rakes.
Went to the bucket.
To get some chicken.
Kernal was there.
He was finger lick'n.
His mouth had opened.
He was gulping the juice.
I looked outside,
and I seen a moose.
Taking candy from a baby isn't as easy as it looks.
I got the crap beat out of me for the candy I took.
The baby's father was muscular and he stood 7 feet 5.
He beat me so hard that i'm damn lucky to have survived.
I threw a punch at that large man but sadly i missed.
He punched me in the crotch because he was pissed.
He burned off my hair with a blow torch.
I couldn't get a date for months because my bald head was scorched.
I have something to say and I don't mean maybe.
Don't never ever take candy from that man's baby.
Keeps complaining poetess
That under stress and duress
There is no life and no peace
That's no good, my dear Miss, but where is our post police ?
Others got creative flow
Going fast or going slow
So we have poetic flood
Burying us in verbal mud
Lots of words of crying hell
From ones so hurt, they can't get well
Loosing life's endurance,
With no health insurance
Being heart broken and love sick
Empathy those writers seek
There is no place for joking
Tears got me choking
I myself can not complain
Except for age and mental pain
In the ass, which was once head
Where used to brain I had
Some like white bread, others rye
Joke is better than the cry
Let's postpone the crying
Till the time of dying
Hello Sir Maker, remember me?
You've seen me once, twice, maybe three.
Instead you snicker, run and hide,
me thinking your returns will subside.
For I know your show,
the stage is set, c'mon, let's go!
I will take a seat to watch this play,
watch you admire my life's decay.
Sly grins become your luring seed,
on a quota to collect its morbid need.
Oh, don't stop, I am entertained,
I can smile too without any shame.
Would you like to dance,
for old time's sake?
But of no refuse,
let us sit down, have cake!
My beloved wife didn't have one baby, she had five instead.
I should've used a condom that night when we were in bed.
Everybody says that my babies are a wonderful gift and that I've been blessed.
But when I saw the hospital bill after they were born, I became seriously depressed.
I don't see any peace at home, my babies sure do know how to cry.
They've drank so much milk that they've sucked my wife's tits dry.
My wife wants them to get a good education so that they'll gain knowledge.
But I'll have to hold down four jobs just to be able to send them to college.
I love all of my five babies but I don't like the situation that I'm in.
I'm going to scream because I just learned that she's pregnant again.
Oh darling, it makes me laugh to hear you say it.
To hear you tell me what people think I am to you.
Well, what I was all those years ago.
The dark little secret they say, why wouldn’t it be dirty?
Oh darling, didn’t I always tell you that’s what I’d be?
Didn’t I make it clear from the start that I’d forever be the secret?
I’m the one you don’t talk about.
Your biggest mistake, the one you fucked up on.
Yeah, I’m your dark little secret; I’m the girl you won’t talk about.
But why would you?
I wasn’t anything special after all.
Just a summer fling that ended in chaos.
A headache you could’ve avoided, but were too foolish to.
Yeah, you could’ve lived a life of carefree abandon,
That was if you would’ve stayed away from me.
But men never learn & women always fall for the same tricks.
& here I sit, laughing at what I’m hearing.
‘Cause I was right & you were wrong.
I will forever be your dark little secret.
I went to the store to buy some eggs
I made a mistake...and broke my legs.
I went outside for a nice ride
I made a mistake...and I did collide.
I went to the restaurant to eat some pizza
I made a mistake...and just met Lisa.
I went to the bathroom to brush my hair
I made a mistake...and I just fell from a chair.
I went to take a cold shower
I made a mistake...and came out bare.
I went to the bookstore to buy a book
I made a mistake...and got a crook.
I went to a boutique to get a pair of shoes
I made a mistake...and that gave me the blues.
I went to my laptop and logged on the internet
I made a mistake...that got me into debt.
I went to my room to lay on my bed
I made a mistake...and I ended up with Ted.
I went to withdraw some money out of my bank
I made a mistake...and I saw made me go blank.
I went to do the kitchen to bake a cake
I made a mistake... and got a steak.
I went for a walk to take a short break
I made a mistake...and encountered a snake.