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I remember the pain I held in days gone past

And I wonder why I'm no happier now than I was then

Things seem to be going better on the outside

But inside I feel more broken than before

I deluded myself for long months, telling myself I was content

And I actually believed myself for all that time

But the truth has finally come to rest at the bottom of my heart

So I realize that happiness was never here with me

I have always prided myself on being a good liar

But I suppose deceiving even myself is the true test of how deep my self-hatred lies

My rage strikes me down to the core

Taken out on myself in so many ways

Subtle things I do each day that seem normal to people

Ignorance is making this quest of breaking myself down even easier than I had perceived

The world is so fucked up now

I can get away with almost anything as long as everyone else is happy

They can tell themselves I'm all right because I have convinced them of it

They can watch me die with a plaster smile

And that's the way I'd like to go

As long as no one else thinks they're getting hurt

I don't care what happens to me

The people I need to love me don't

So I have determined my worth through that simple fact

I look for love in all the wrong places

So I must turn to hate to find my fulfillment

It's time to wake up and start writing my eulogy

My gravestone needs no words

God's tears will be adornment enough

I don't want flowers to be laid near me because they are too alive

I don't want people to cry over me

My leaving won't mean a thing in the end

I just want to die in my deceit

I just want to die