The cause varies, each time;
the name..Vanessa,
a song,
a perfume remembered.
The result is always the same, the lump in the throat, the uneasy stomach and the questions:….What if…? Why….? Where is she now..?
Thirty years on, the old flame has been kindled in my mind and it
still burns me!
Why?
She was my first great love.
The centre of my universe for a year, or so.
She was my first great betrayal.
The centre of my misery for twenty years, or so.
The warm flames of love turned in an instant into the blast furnace fires of hatred.
The passions of youth burn hot,
too hot to hold in your hand for analysis.
Today, I wonder why I never made the attempt to forgive her.
Why I shunned her attempts to make good, and cut off all contact.
To be honest, I was too busy with my self,
with my hatred
and with my misery.
I was enjoying it,
wallowing
at the centre of my own stage!
I know how hard it is to get over a first real love. Or even just to get over a love that was lost from your own failures. Trust me I can relate, awesome job.