4/4/02
As I lay on my bed
Crazy Town's Lollipop Porn
Echoing around me
I watch myself bringing
Thin wire down at lighting speed
Against the flesh of my bare
Skin
I've already sliced my arm more than
A dozen times today
And it's for Hell going to scar
My skin jumps up to greet the metal and
Long sobs echo through my throat
With every second the contact shoots
Pain through my numb body I cry out
Your name
It's in the way I often call to God in
My tone of voice is screaming
"Come, Come save me!"
"Help me! God I'm Sorry!"
And it's all wrapped up into a deadly
Scream of your name
Constantly off the tip of my tongue
I know my mother must be able to hear
My groans and cries of agony
Even over the blaring music
But She mustn't care
That's just the way she is
I try to read Jewel Kilcher's poetry
But my whimpers and ecstatic screams
Of your name rumbling though my throat
Continue to disturb it
My voice is saying
"Please, Please save me"
You're the only one,
To save me from myself!
And I cry
My eyes unfocussed and almost to a grey tint
I wish you were here comforting me
Though I know you never will be
You'll never hear my cries
Or words of Love
You'll never know I love you
When I say goodbye tonight
My gosh. That... I feel bad.I wish I could help any time.