PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

 

Is it Bravery

 

Is it Cowardice

 

Or is it all part of my insanity

 

My secret insanity

 

 

 

No one knows

 

How I really feel inside

 

The struggle I face

 

Every second

 

Of every minute

 

Of every hour

 

Of every fucking day of my life

 

 

 

How hard it is for me to maintain

 

Some semblance of composure

 

When all I really want

 

Is to be alone

 

To cry

 

To disappear

 

 

 

Somehow, somewhere, deep within

 

Through the darkest of shadows

 

Through all my distorted thoughts

 

I know

 

This is not what I really want at all

 

 

 

What I really want

 

Is to just be normal

 

You know

 

Like you,

 

You,

 

You,

 

And you

 

Able to make it through a day

 

Without feeling so close to the edge

 

Constant confusion

 

Crying at anything

 

Never knowing what’s really wrong

 

 

 

But deep down inside

 

I do know

 

I don’t want to believe

 

To face the truth

 

 

 

Something ain’t right upstairs

 

 

 

People can call it what they want

 

Crazy

 

Depression

 

Chemical imbalance

 

Whatever politically correct phrasing

 

Happens to fit

 

Even I don’t know what to fucking call it

 

 

 

So every day

 

So many times my head spins

 

I wonder if this is my destiny

 

 

 

Will I forever by an outgoing

 

Gregarious, fun person

 

Trapped with the mind and the heart

 

Of a recluse?

 

 

 

Will I always struggle this hard?

 

To get through my days

 

Will I ever be happy?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So I think to myself

 

Would an exit be Brave

 

Simply by facing the fact

 

That this is it

 

And making a conscious decision

 

Not to participate

 

Not put myself through more

 

Or would an exit be Cowardice

 

By not being willing or strong enough

 

To see this through

 

To a natural ending

 

 

 

Oddly enough

 

This is where I choose

 

My own insanity

 

 

 

Because I am Brave

 

And I’m damn sure not a Coward

 

The insane part is debatable

 

 

 

What I do know is this

 

 

 

My soul is strong

 

And yearns for life

 

For beauty

 

For peace

 

For love

 

Though my heart

 

Lies dormant in its own

 

Hibernation

 

One day it will decide to

 

Awaken

 

To a glorious day

 

 

 

 

 

Somehow my insane thoughts

 

Going round and round

 

May slow down

 

 

 

Then my mind

 

My heart

 

My soul

 

Can be one

 

 

 

They will rejoice

 

And dance in the sun

 

And then

 

I will be happy