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NOT NOW

Today I received some disturbing news

I went to church and down on my knees before my creator

Weeping I thought but Lord how am I going to make it through this?



I thought that coming out was hard.  I thought that being single was hard.

I thought that being a Christian was hard enough, but then this.

I cried to my creator, “ not now Lord’.



Everything is just starting to go right.

Not now Lord.

I’m not ready for this fight.

Not now Lord, Not now



Looking at my mother I delivered the heart breaking news of the

Possibility of her baby not being able to have anymore babies again.

She looked into my eyes and held me saying you are still my child and I love you.



In that moment I felt more of GOD’S love than ever in my life, and although in my mind I kept screaming not now.  I knew in my heart I must sometimes the creator prepares you to prepare yourself for the not now.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Sometimes I think I've lost my faith and other times I relaize there is a GOD.

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last updated 11 October 2010 - 12:42am
©7 July 2003 - 5:10pm — ladylynnp
24 December 2003 - 7:03pm — Hope Denied (not verified)
Hope Denied's picture

If, There can be beauty is such heart ache, you have captured it here.
The mix of FEAR & FAITH is so intense.
Even in the face of a loss.. the powerful faith shines through.
I admire you ability to weave words of such intensity into such a powerful message.

ShtrdDrmz