Author Information
Sweet Volition
Folder:
Hyacinth garden
Informants read code upon entry to the portal.
Thoughts once eternally for the ordinal.
They knew you by sight.
In times of sacred twilight.
No bounds of artificial establishment.
Hours piled high upon bare nonchalance.
Minds begin a genesis into the unfamiliar edifice.
What is truth from its orifice?
All of their adventures so far assumed.
Discourse yet to be consumed.
Fountains a source of sweet volition.
Within the rift only love had its red medallion.
Each of your pretty hand gestures exercised glows.
Uncontrolled sensuality partakes imagination which knows.
And all are relinquished, men and women to their lustful fate.
There are no two alike - all are crushed beneath the weight.
First of all, thank you for the critique! I appreciate it!
Second of all, your poetry is definitely wonderful and interesting - this particular one caught me partially because no one had yet critiqued it, but mostly because of the title... I've always liked juxtaposed words and "Sweet Volition" seems to be a juxtaposition between something soft and something powerful.
When I read further, it continues to echo that constant struggle between the world of fantasy and imagination and the world of "reality" as we know it.
I especially like the last line because I've always felt that anyone who says otherwise is a liar to either the world or themself...
"Uncontrolled sensuality partakes imagination which knows.
And all are relinquished, men and women to their lustful fate.
There are no two alike all are crushed beneath the weight."
(the only nitpicky thing I might put here is something between "alike" and "all" - I'm pretty bad with punctuation myself, but it seems like it would read better as "There are no two alike - all are crushed beneth the weight." side note: I don't think it really matters though, I've always thought poetry can be as free form as one likes or chooses - it's the poet's personal discretion)
Overall, I like much of your poetry! Keep writing! ^_^